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As defined by the American Heritage Dictionary 1. The practice of professing beliefs, feelings, or virtues that one does not hold or possess; falseness. 2. An act or instance of such falseness pple's defination is very different from the one i hold, which is similiar to the defination above... if by going with pple's defination... then everybody is hypocritical... nt only me... i've spent a long time thinking and considering abt the things and pple ard me... esp. after the interesting twist of events tt inspired the previous entry... and i guess i'm holding onto my belief... i dun care how pple misunderstand me anymore... coz tt's me... how i feel ultimately... beyond just plain thoughts as assumed by some pple... first... i would like to apologise to Trina... i guess the biggest victim in tis whole saga is you... with the desire to help... we kinda shot u down... but i wanna clarify tt the motive of asking u to sleep is nt coz i m using u or stuff... but it is really late and i m overwhelmed after everything... which is why i asked u to go sleep while i fret over it... i'm sorry if my motive is nt clear and caused tt misunderstanding... i see where u r coming from and i really appreciate your efforts... as for jeslyn.. i guess she is too upset which is why she reacted tt way... i guess u know her better than i do and u will understand her... second... jes... tis post is nt meant for u... and i'm ready to meet and talk to u... i've cleared the thoughts and feelings... i'll arrange a date within tis week... and i hope we will resolve tis properly... i'm sorry for causing so much distraught in you so much so tt it hurt u so much... thirdly... i mean it... no comments from anyone abt tis situation anymore... i dun care... - THE END - had some problem with dar also... and i've spent time considering as well... if u dun wanna tell me ur problems... i wun prode anymore... nt becoz dun i care... but becoz i trust tt u will tell me when u feel like it... u r right... sometimes it is nt really abt talking abt the problem and trying to solve it for u but to be by ur side supporting u... even though i dunno wad is happening... i'm sorry for being insensitive to tis need of urs... i've kan kai already... and i'm sure u seen the diff... i'm contented to be by ur side... i love u... and i'll stive to love u better as i love u more... - THE END - X-men 3 is nice... but i prefer x-men 1 and 2 more... and i'm anticipating for x-men 4 coz i feel there is room for expension although a lot of characters died or became non-mutant due to the drug (although i feel tt it can be reversed) visited dar during his work and dar dropped by my workplace yesterday... haha... it has been a long time since we did tt kinda stuff... suddenly 10th is coming again... so excited abt his surprise... and i dunno wad to surprise him wif~ and his b'day is coming... yeah~ hamasaki ayumi - who... In Solitude at 11:15 pm 0 shared in solitude 25th May 2004 i started thehermit85 after closing www.upsaid.com/solitude and leaving LJ.com today marks the second year my blog is in existance... so here's the year tt has passed... i was expelled but broughgt back into my course of study... signed up for drama classes... installed a site tracker thanks to Jeremy! and a counter... hit 1169 as of 25th May 12.27am... met amongst the rest Trina, Dallas, Roy who became important pple in my life... gave up hope on love only to have thomas dar bring it back again... the relationship's great... gt shaky but now everything is alright... started 2 new blogs:Family and Love... tis year has been an interesting year... last year i hit 100 post in a year... tis year 130... and here is my top 5 fav posts (nt in order) Love LEAVE ME ALONE Confession Current Affairs Day 3 so as i celebrate the blog's birthday... feel free to explore the 2 years worth of memories in tis world where i'm who i really am... HAPPY BIRTHDAY BLOGGIE!!! dido - thank you In Solitude at 12:27 am 0 shared in solitude i'm blogging in the wee hours of the morning yet again... dar already cracking his knuckles.. when is he gonna wack me? nt tt i'm into SM... please... today was fun... not much pple and well oscar left early... haha... i rearranged the store so tt there is place to store the new cartons of coke and 7up and stuff... really sweat alot and stink... and i cut myself... very painful... even now... working wif terrence is fun... haha... he really learnt a lot and i dare say he knows more than me now... still very humble... keep saying he is no good... so now... i'm no longer his senior overseeing him and helping him... he is good enough to oversee others liao... dropped a cup down the stairs and... it did not break... all the bosses and co-workers came to take a look and i set a new record... no cups broken after dropping it... we then talked abt dropping and breaking cups in the kitchen amidst other stuff... and when we are done chatting it was abt 1.45pm and it was up to me to 'chase' our guest away... and i did... done closing real quickly... knocked off at abt 2.30 after cleaning up wad i had forggoten to do or did not do... forgetting to clean level 2 (boss dun seem tt pleased) and level 1 gt water nt cleared (i swear i did nt see it when i vaccum the floor) reached home and picked up my phone to call dar... really missed him so much... talked a while but well.. he did not really toked abt his day and dun seem to be interested in mine... i guess he is too tired... but we did settle some issues arising from our blog... and after checking the site tracker... on 19th May we gt 69 referrals from nickynchris.blogspot.com... haha... well... tt's the good thing abt being linked to a blog which pple frequent... just hope we dun get insults and such as seen in colinandkero.blogspot.com... he hanged shortly coz he really very tired... i decided to shower since i really stinked from the work... and decided to carry on wif my net routine... blog surfed and i checked out dar's blog first... then jeremy's blog... no reply for my request... next was nickynchris... then jumped ard other sites including colinandkero, mystige, sher, jes, trina and also sgboy forums... after tt... i gt down to blog in our blog then tis... all the typing to explain why i blog so late... haha... i dun really like chronicles or recording... the site tracker is fun... i even found out someone did a google search on my blog on 18th May:  then on 19th May... 7 pple found their way in without any referrers... my top referrer is jeremy!!! thanks... haha... was complaining tt no one comes to my blog and he brought 6 pple in for me... haha... i wonder if jeremy himself reads my blog? i guess nt... he is so busy wif assignments he better nt be... haha...next is our blog which brought in 5 pple... have to work later... suppose to do full from opening to close... but well someone beat me to it... gonna sleep... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz s.h.e - hou niao In Solitude at 5:18 am 0 shared in solitude he is so gonna kill me... i did not go to school today... again... i log off at 6.25am... i swear from next monday onwards i will go to school everyday... i somba... please dun get angry with me... i log off late coz i was doing some editing to template at our blog... i added a comments page (took a real long time) then added music (and after experimenting for so long i found out it is very easy to hide the player... so darn easy...) then added a countdown timer into the picture to make it look like part of the picture... i pushed the counter from 1085 to 1111 just to check the location of the counter to make it really fit... woke up abt 1 hr ago to fix the mystige blog... changed the profile part... gonna leave it to dallas to fine tune everything in tt section... and sher to fine tune the template as a whole... dar has done enough in tt template... heeheehee... he know wad to buy for me liao... and so do i.. but bad bad news... the thing tt i buy for him seems to be missing and the other thing i wanna buy for him i gt no money... crap~ now i m the one nt giving him things... adding onto tt... my hp is cut... no pay bils... abt 600 dollars... sigh~ gt him so worried yesterday... me also nt bad... waited for him to come online to tell him... wah... if he dun come online means i dun sleep liao... haha... but then again.. i only log off at 6.25pm... heehee... sorry for causing u to worry so much dar... it feels good to have someone worry for u... i'm still a little shaken by the last dispute... =X alex toh & shunza - zhen de xiang ni In Solitude at 4:32 pm 0 shared in solitude very tired lately... dunno why... recovering from fever dun make me better but keep putting me to sleep and making me wanna puke... i've missed many lessons becoz of tt... and when we met last night... jes and dallas and me... i was like... how have i wasted my life away... very fucked up now... i begin blogging at 9.50pm? around there... hop onto the computer when my brother left the computer hanging and i cannot find him... then i just log onto my own account (he had done tt kinda stuff before) then i decided to go get my hp... notice gt some prob wanna solve it (by now he has resurfaced) so gt my stepmum's phone to see if it is my phone or my sim card... then my bro just log off my account with pple still on my msn trying to talk to me and the first paragraph of the entry hanging there... i keep telling him to at least let me get things done my bro say... "i playing games lor..." i mean... u left the thing hanging with no signs of u doing anything important... i m talking to pple... and u just log off... even though it is extremely obvious there r things left undone... then my grandma scolded me saying it is my fault and stop me from whining... then i said" i wanna get my own computer" then her reply: "who ask u to spoil his laptop?" (i did not... it is he take his things never take properly then his laptop drop... and it was i who left the laptop there so tt i can clean up the floor for him...) so pissed i just walked out of the house and went to ECP... just sat there for a while and before i know it... 1 1/2 hours has passed... reached home abt 11.30 to see the channel u news... so here i m now... feeling a little better but still pissed... celest chong - ping fan xing fu In Solitude at 9:55 pm 0 shared in solitude all who have read my msn nick would see this... then they all ask me... really over har? and my answer is... yes... all the worrying... the anxiousness... the wondering of the answer and stuff... it is all over... we are back to normal... (back together is wrong... coz we have nt parted before... just a little uncertainty...) i fell ill over this... the day when he told me i started to get sore throat... then after meeting jes and dallas and roy... the fullness of the sickness set in... and now i'm still suffering form the effects of it... haha... down with fever yet tried to numb myself wif work and stuff... but every night when i go home... i worry myself to sleep... tt is if i can fall asleep... my mood for everything is lost and i just rot my day away wif sleeping... coz onli in dreams can i live the life i wan to... with him... but well... everything is fine and going on... stronger and i value him even more... and when i read his msg for the first time after so many days... i was so happy i teared... (tt is after he confirmed tt it is not going to end) i feel so much better... tong en - ben lai In Solitude at 1:49 am 0 shared in solitude I love you... i do... and i wanna be with you... i'm still hoping tt we would carry on... tt u will feel better after thinking... tt things would be ok... tt i'm still ur baby and u my dar... wadeva ur answer... good? i'll rejoice... bad? i will take it gracefully... simply because i love you... In Solitude at 1:04 am 2 shared in solitude while others celebrated their attachment... i cried thru mine... he is worrying me... and i can't help but to feel at fault... if i did not msg him tt msg... if i did not plan the steamboat... if if if if if... i never m good in relationships... thinking back... all my past relationships ended up with me hurting them... and i guess wad i always thought of myself is true... i'm a jinx... if he did not know me... things will be better for him...i caused these pains upon him... these fears... thoughts... doubts... i messed up his life... i'm sorry... i really m... i guess u will be better off without me... but still i'll wait for an answer... ur answer... but till then... i guess while u quiet down, i'll retreat to my solitude to avoid hurting pple or being a jinx to them... fate... curse me... not them... i'm the jinx... good bye all... In Solitude at 1:27 am 2 shared in solitude i'm sorry... In Solitude at 11:34 pm 0 shared in solitude i know you are feeling down and so am i... i wanna know wad is wrong.. i wanna share ur trouble... i wanna be by ur side... but like wad i told u then... the decision is on ur hands... i will not let u go... if u wanna let me go.. if u will be happier to be away from me... i will agree... but remember... it will not be me who will let go... coz i love you and i will stand by u... please cool down... u matter to me... u r deserving... it is me tt dun deserve u... yet u came into my life... and loved me... i wun leave u alone... coz i will be here waiting... and until u give me an answer i wun go... but i will let u quiet down... to think things thru... i'll love u from afar if it is all i can do... today marks the 2nd month we are together... and i wanna see many more months to come wif u... i love you... In Solitude at 5:32 pm 0 shared in solitude i'm commiting academic suicide... i m missing another lesson today 4 weeks str8 coz i oversleep... can someone wake me up everyday to ensure i go to school... tis suck... was sick yesterday and did not do anything but sleep... the doctor said something abt stress and maybe viral infection causing the giddiness and nauseousness... dar is worrying me... and today i'm very occupied with stuff... maybe i go over his place after my drama to check on him... somehow i feel like i had failed big time... -edited- FUCK am feeling very fucked up now... i dunno why... feeling very 'light headed' and weak and tired and pissed... and i really dunno why... sorry jeslyn for blowing... i dunno why i'm in such a bad mood now... In Solitude at 9:21 am 1 shared in solitude
In Solitude at 12:33 am 0 shared in solitude This is to you darling... View with Encoding -> Unicode (UTF-8) 星光 当我软弱和无助的时候 当我需要安慰的时候 当全世界的人怪我无心的犯错 只有你在握著我的手 当你抹去天空的风雨 当你分享心中的感动 甜蜜的话已不用说 我什么都懂 有了你的爱让我不迷惑 i love you 你听见了吗 i love you 你对我最好 不管世界多辽阔 不管世界多寂寞 在我低落时候你都在我身旁 i love you 你听见了吗 i love you 要让你知道 不管黑夜多漫长 不管黑夜多黯淡 我的世界因你 满天星光闪亮 范文芳 - 星光 In Solitude at 3:17 am 0 shared in solitude i have been blog surfing and leaving my footprints in many blogs... hoping to make more frenz esp. with the community and those who are attached to share the joy... haha... really nice blogs with real nice layouts and candid sharing of their lifes who are very logical and voices alot of their own opinion... unlike my blog... read a comment tt someone dun understand me!!! haha... no offense... i understand i dun make much sense lately... and if u were to read my past almost 220 posts really... u wun comprehend much of wad i'm toking abt too... things are better now... i had cooled down with his assurance and i really appreciate all he has been doing for me... i love u baby... 10th may coming... may not have much time with u... but i wanna spend tt day with u before u go for ur lessons ok? met him today and spent some time with him talking... and i really miss times like tt... had walks with him then eat with him... it maybe only 1 hour plus... but it is good enough... all i wish now is tt i will have more time for him and my frenz... maybe i should write logically... but then again... i'm illogical... hahaha... followed the elections and i appluade the PAP winning 82 seats in parliment, appulade WP for making such a strong impact and for retaining hougang and appluade SDA in defending Potong Pasir and bring up the margin... it goes to show tt each party had managed to served the country well in their own GRC/SMC... i look forward to voting next GE... so opposition... PLEASE contest Marine Parade... hahaha lu ke ban - wo xiang ni de kuai le shi ying wei wo In Solitude at 1:42 am 0 shared in solitude I went drinking just now at east coast... wanna escape form the house suddenly... i caused the barley to overboil and spill all over the stove and really pissed at myself... n after my brother... i took a breather... down 2 bottles of bacardi breezer (i know... it is not strong and stuff... but i dun normally drink and i gt drunk easily...) my readings are getting very off lately... and my understanding of astrology is beginning to seem very surface and bad... i no longer have tt confidence in my readings and my interpretations of both the cards and astrology... somehow i feel a lot of things is my fault... and tt pple will be better off without me... dar... i think u will be... lesser troubles... lesser things to worry abt... no one to throw tamtrum at u... no one to drop hints on u and make u guess... no one demanding u to be sensitive for him... i guess i'm just not good enough for u... i dunno... i love u... and i wan the best for u... and i think i'm not tt best for u... i hate thinking... it makes me cry and hate myself... and tt's wad i'm going thru now... crying and hating myself... and since i can't even love myself... how can i love u well? Mavis Hee - Tie Chuang In Solitude at 2:12 am 3 shared in solitude the god has just received a promotion to supreme god coz he is injured... as always he is doing nothing... and now tt he is injured... i cannot nag at him... but there is something i can nag at... him eating the instant noodles... he ate dinner... got alot of rice but he dun wanna eat... then almost every night cook instant noodles to eat... then today i kinda pissed so i said "wah u all always eat... i buy the past 5 times the 5packs one... then i only ate 1 pack if not anything... why u all dun buy? it's my own money leh..." his reply? "then why u buy?" FUCK... In Solitude at 11:14 pm 0 shared in solitude could not sleep so was surfing fridae and blogs and came across this story: ~*-*~ A girl in love asked her boyfriend... Girl: Tell me, who do you love most in this world? Boy: You, of course! Girl: In your heart, what am I to you? The boy thought 4 a moment and looked intently in her eyes and said," You are my rib.." In the Bible, it was said that God saw that Adam was lonely. During his sleep; God took one of Adam's rib and created Eve. Every man has been searching for his missing rib, only when you find the woman of your life;you'll no longer feel the lingering ache in your heart. After their wedding,the couple had a sweet and happy life for long while. However, the youthful couple, due to busy schedule of modern life, the never ending worries of daily problems, began to drift apart and their life became mundane. All the challenges posed by the harsh realities of life began to gnaw away their dreams and love for each other. The couple began to have more quarrels and each quarrel became more heated. One day, after a quarrel, the girl ran out of the house. At the opposite side of the road, she shouted, 'You don't love me!' The boy hated her childishness and out of impulse,retorted, "Maybe, it was a mistake for us to be together! You were never my missing rib!" Suddenly, she turned quiet and stood there for a long while. He regretted what he said but words spoken are like thrown away water, you can never take it back. With tears, she went home to pack her things and was determined in breaking-up.Before she left the house, she turned over & looked at him. The hurt in her eyes was so intense."If I'm really not your missing rib,please let me go."she continued,"It is less painful this way. Let us go on our separate ways and search for our own partners." Five years have since gone by. He had never remarried but he had tried to find out about her life indirectly. She had left the country and back. She had remarried a foreigner and divorced. He felt anguished that she never waited for him. In one dark and lonely night, he lit his cigarette and felt the lingering ache in his heart. He couldn't bring himself to admit that he was missing her.One day, they finally met at the airport, a place where there were many reunions and good-byes. He was going away on a business trip. She was standing there alone, with just the security door separating them. She smiled at him gently. Boy: How are you? Girl: I'm fine. How about you? Have you found your missing rib? Boy: No Girl: I'll be flying to New York in the next flight. Boy: I'll be back in 2 weeks time. Give me a call when you are back.You know my number. Nothing has changed. With a smile, she turned around and waved good-bye. Good-bye... is it forever... not meeting each other again? One week later, he heard of her death. She has perished in New York in the event that shocked the world Midnight. Once again,he lit his cigarette. And like before, he felt the lingering ache in his heart. He finally knew, she was his missing rib that he had carelessly broken. Sometimes,people say things out of moments of fury. Most often than not, the outcome(s) could be disasterous and detrimental. We vent our frustrations 99% at our loved ones. And even though we know that we ought to "think twice, act wise", it's often easier said than done. Things happen day by day which are beyond our control. Especially at this moment of the century when the most undesirable event is happening at the other end of the world. Let us treasure every moment of our lives and everyone in our lives. ~*-*~ To all who matters in my heart... i love you... sincerely from the bottom of my heart... i thank you all for being there... there may be times when i may just lose myself at you but u held on... despite me screaming at you, u saw the real me who so desire your company... u know tt solitude is not exactly where i wanna be and u shared in my solitude... there may be times u can never find me but still u held onto the frenship... there may be times when i disappointed you time and again but ou continue to trust me... you made me smile and laugh... you tear and cry with me... you share in my anxiety... you worry for and with me... i no need to name names... because you know who you are... it is all in the heart... you and all u did for me... thank you... And dar... there are times i wan your attention... there are times i wan u to be sensitive... there are times i wan u to understand my feelings... there are times when i wan u to listen and see that i'm not happy... but i realise that it dun really matter anymore... as long as you are with me and we love each other... we will be able to see each other thru... i will try to give my attention instead of ask... i will try to be open and not hint and stuff... i will try to make my feelings known... i will try to compromise and accept things tt i m not happy about and not always make u change for me... I Love You... Elva Hsiao - Ni Shi Wo Xin Zhong Yi Ju Jing Tan In Solitude at 12:59 am 0 shared in solitude it's my retribution... i know it got nothing to do with all of u... i read it in 8 days horoscopes today "astrology assumes that all such situations begin with you, so there's no point in sounding off about other people letting you down" i understand that you all have things to be busy with and i have been soooooo busy that i had been neglecting all of you... when u wanna meet me i'm always so occupired that you can't even hear from me and no tt i m free i can't expect u to be free waiting for me... this made me realise how important all of u pple have been in my life... and how i had let u down in the first place... i'm sorry... for everything... i'm sorry speed - walking in the rain In Solitude at 5:47 pm 0 shared in solitude I'm sorry for drowning your excitement... I'm sorry for not being sensitive enough when i talked to you... I'm sorry for understanding how you feel about it... But I hope you know that I came with no ill thoughts and all I want is for you to know what I think... Nevertheless... I'm sorry... ~*-*~ now in school... after this post i'll be going for my performing class... kinda tired but i'll survive... haha... met wif dar yesterday and kinda made him a little upset and i'm really sorry... met roy for supper after his work then went home and play game =X slept quite well after tt... been able to sleep coz i've been sleeping in the living room... tt's coz the living room got a fan and my room dun have... argh!!! zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz i miss him... i wan him to hug me and be excited to see me... Liang Jing Ru - Lu In Solitude at 6:20 pm 0 shared in solitude this blog is turning 2 years old tis month... to think of it... i have been blogging for 3 years already... my first year in upsaid.com till it close down and me suddenly lost everything... and moved to LJ for a few months and transferred to blogger till now... many things happened and this period is a time to reflect as with my birthday... so when my blog hits 2 on 25th May u will see a pretty long post consolidating the past years blogged events... a big improvement... last yr hit 100 post... this year more than 100 within 1 year... it will just get better... In Solitude at 1:52 am 0 shared in solitude | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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