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my previous post was abt 2 months ago... crap... it has been so long... and i feel so robbed of my time and my essence... someone once asked me if i really dun have the time to log online and read the forums... if i dun really have time to meet up wif my friends... i tell you... yes... i dun have the time... now that i have a little time, allow me to update tis forsaken blog, hoping that it will serve its purpose of keepin people dear to me updated of wad's happening and that i'm alive... but also as a relief from everything that had happened thus far... on leave from 7th to 14th and 15th after my appointment, i''m heading back to camp... after so long... i realised on thing... i'm losing my intelligence, my common sense, my core... myself... i can no longer express myself like how i use to... unable to think like in the past... unable to react and rationalised... i'm no longer the timothy that i once knew... all thanks to the singapore armed forces... I'm not used to national service yet... never did and i guess never will... day after day i look forward to weekends... once weekend comes, i hope and pray that it will crawl as slow as possible, only to see it zoom pass me... bringing me back to where i started from, wishing and begging that the week will be over soon... national service had brought so much negativity to my life... never had i felt so lost, so tired, so helpless, so weak, so dead... day after day, i think of methods to escape this hell i'm in... night after night i lie to myself, saying that all is alright... now... i give up... it is not me to be in here... but well... i have to, for reasons i cannot comprehend... like why the sgts can be commanders in the SAF... how do they elect their leaders? brute strength and the ability to withstand people screaming at you, asking you to do unreasonable and totally uncomprehending things... only to give you the same 'privilege' to do unto others wad you've been thru... the 'listen-to-me-coz-i'm-ur-commander' mentality is essential if u wanna be a leader in the SAF... is that it? just becoz u fail ur IPPT u cannot be a sgt, a commander, a leader... wad is leadership? the ability to run 2.4km below 12:20min but unable to convince your men to defend the nation... the ability to pull 6 pull-ups but unable to mature your men for the country... the ability to run below 11 seconds for shuttle run but unable to help your men in times of need... the ability to do 40 sit-ups but unable to treat people like people... the ability to jump beyond 216cm but unable to think for the good of the big picture... that is SAF leadership... and then to stop people from pointing all these out, they have a special unit who spends their time, in air-con rooms, online reading blogs, forums or anything online, then shut tt page down if it is offensive, slapping them with offences under official secrets act or some other act that protects their own good... while other people are dying under the crazy leadership of the SAF... i saw people turn from a joyful young man to a demoralised, depressed guy... i've seen people admitted to IMH becoz of the insane ways of the leadership... i've seen people deny their own true nature to avoid confrontations and problems with the leaders... like wad i told my sgt "not we wanna do until like that... is u all force us one"... when someone wanna point out something... all it takes is "they sgt leh..." and we dun dare to do anything... if we did... then "you all die... i make sure u all suffer..." wtf~ so the govt can't really blame us for not wanting to serve NS... i know the nation is small and if we dun defend ourselves no one will... but all we ask for is a system that works humanely... for leaders to be chosen on other aspects and not just getting silver or gold for ippt... and for many other things happening within the SAF... and this is not the end... there are more... for another day, if i can find the time... angela - bu tong In Solitude at 4:35 pm 0 shared in solitude | ||||||||||||