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it has been so long since i last blogged... coming form a person who enjoy blogging and see blogging as an outlet... tis is really rare... but well everything has its cause and mine is work... bleah~ it has been 2 months since i started as a full timer... and well things has been ok except the fact tt i literally have no time for anything at all... i wake up... go to work... reach home... sleep... wake up... work... home... sleep... i have no life~ and as it goes on... i slowly lose passion in the work... and it is slowly becoming a chore... adding onto tt... a part timer is getting similar pay (per hour) to me and is having more authority compared to me... and it is kinda pissing me off... esp. when the responsibility falls on me... it is tiring and eating me up... and it is affecting my relationship wif thomas... i had not seen him for more than a month and i have not really been contacting him... i m feeling very guilty but i really cannot squeeze much time out... and on days tt i m free he is not free... but most of the time it is me tt is not free... i have no time to meet any of my frenz (minus chong jie coz he always drop by marine parade for a few hours to chat up after my work) coz of work too... sorry Ally for not remembering ur birthday... not tt i deliberately forget... i really got too many things going on... Sorry Douglas for missing out on wishing u Happy Birthday... i m overwhelmed by so much stuff lately... to the two strongest support in my life... Happy Belated Birthday... may ur days be filled wif all the blessings from above as u live life wif joy and laughter, smiles and happiness... may ur every moment be sweet memories and fruitfulness fills every day... may ur 21 years tt had past be that of bliss and the 22nd year onwards be as u desire... happy birthday... and really... thank God for u in my life... so... back to work... it has been very taxing on me and i have finally fallen ill... wif a little blocked ears, itchy throat and headache... i m still surviving well and still going to work... it is not killing me.. so it should make me stronger... been doing so much tt i lost sense of time and going to work is now like a routine and i dun really look forward to working anymore actually... so i've decided... December will be the last month i'm working full time... come jan i'll convert back to part time and hopefully have more time for myself and thomas and my frenz and myself... so anything major in my life? nah... i guess tt suck right? sun yanzi - yu tian In Solitude at 1:23 am 0 shared in solitude Found this real nice old Ayumi song online... A Song For XX (translation below) doushite naite iru no doushite mayotte ru no doushite tachidomaruno nee oshiete itsu kara otona ni naru itsu made kodomo de ii no doko kara hashitte kite nee doko made hashiru no ibasho ga nakatta mitsukaranakatta mirai ni ha kitai dekiru no ka wakarazu ni itsu mo tsuyoi ko da ne tte iware tsudsukete ta nakanaide erai ne tte homeraretari shite ita yo sonna kotoba hitotsu mo nozonde nakatta dakara wakaranai furi wo shite ita doushite waratte ru no doushite soba ni iru no doushite hanarete ku no nee oshiete itsu kara tsuyoku natta itsu kara yowasa kanjita itsu made matte ireba wakari aeru hi ga kuru mou hi ga noboru ne sorosoro ikanakya itsu made mo onaji tokoro ni ha irarenai hito wo shinjiru koto tte itsu ka ura kirare hanetsukerareru koto to onaji to omotte ita yo ano koro sonna chikara doko ni mo nakatta kitto ironna koto shiri sugite ta itsu mo tsuyoi ko da ne tte iware tsudsukete ta nakanaide erai ne tte homeraretari shite ita yo sonna fuu ni mawari ga ieba iyu hodo ni warau koto sae kutsuu ni natte ta hitori kiri de umarete hitori kiri de ikite iku kitto sonna mainichi ga atari mae to omotte ta Translation Why am I crying? Why am I lost? Why did I stop? Please tell me When will I grow up? How long can I stay a child? Where have I come running from? Where am I running to? I had no place to live. I couldn't find one. I don't know if I could have any hope for the future. They always said I was a strong child. They praised me, saying "you must be strong to not cry." I didn't want those words at all. So I pretended not to understand. Why are you laughing? Why are you by my side? Why are you leaving me? Please tell me. When did you become strong? Since when have you felt weakness? How long must you wait for the day you understand to come? The sun is rising. I must go soon. I can't stay in the same place forever. You will someday be betrayed by your trust in people. I thought it was the same as being rejected. At the time I didn't have that kind of strength. I definitely knew too much. They always said I was a strong child. They praised me, saying "you must be strong not to cry." The more people said things like that, the more even laughing became agony. I was born alone. I'll go on living alone. thought that surely that kind of life is appropriate. In Solitude at 4:24 am 1 shared in solitude the past week was very unlcuky... here is a breakdown: monday: did my show in nanyang girls... my mic spoil and the handheld mic like not on... have to use my voice instead of mic... tuesday: while cookin... a bloat of boiling hot oil mysteriously 'jumped' out of the pan and scald my index finger (p/s: just recovered as in stop pus-ing) wednesday: forgot all my lines totally... was feeling very low and was affected by the resident spirits in the cafe thursday: alram clock stopped at 9.15am... wokr up at 2.30pm... work starts at 1.30pm... friday: wanna update blog but it just can't seem to be able to publish... saturday: was invaded by one of the resident spirit at the cafe while doing a reading... sunday: screwed up my hosting for CDAC tt was the f-king unlucky week for me... I'm sorry thomas for being so busy... but i'm always here for you... sorry i can't be there... been listening to Ayumi Hamasaki's Who... love tt song a lot... nothing happened dun worry... just tt i like the tune and the lyrics seem nice: Hamasaki Ayumi - Who uh~ lalala~ (uh~ lalala~) uh~ lalalalala~ (uh~ lalalalala~) tsurai tori dare ga soba ni ite kurete? (When I was heart broken, who stayed by my side?) dara no kata de namide o nagashite? (On whose shoulder did i shed my tears?) yorokobe wa dare to wakeatte? (with whom did i share my joy?) dare to te o toria atte kite ga? (with whom did i hold hands?) omoideshite iru yo (I remember) utari hanarete sugoshita yoru wa (On the night we spent apart) tsuki ga to o kude naita itayo (The moon was far away and i was crying) utari hanarete sugoshita yoru wa (On the night we spent apart) tsuki ga to mo kude naiteta (The moon was far away and i was crying) hontou no tsuyosa wa dare ga oshi ete ku rete? (Who taught me true strength?) yasashisa wa dare ga tsutae tete kureta? (Who taught me kindness?) dare ga ita kara aruko u to shite? (On whose account do i walk?) dare ni kami o nadete hoshi kata? (Who did i want to stroke my hair?) dare ga akiramenaide ite kureta? (Who didn't give up on me? watsurenai yo zutto (I remember) michi ni mayo otta toki soshite (When i stray from the path) michi ga to osugita toki ni (When the path is too long) hitori tsubuya ite ita yo (I was mumbling to myself) son na mono dato (That's the way life is) kore kara mo zutto kono utagoe ga (I pray that this singing voice) anata ni todoki masu yo o nito (Will reach you) kore kara mo zutto kono utagoe ga (I pray that this singing voice) anata ni todoku yo mo ri to (Will reach you) the vid is ok... just dun really like the 'thank-you-everyone' part... better get to sleep soon... will update asap... zzzzzzzz... hamasaki ayumi - who... In Solitude at 2:32 am 0 shared in solitude | ||||||||||||