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i'm talking to my loyal fan Chris online and he told me abt this fren of his who after finding out he is aj cut ties wif him... i have tis experience before... one of my really good fren cut ties with me after finding out... one slwoly drifted away and i get the geez... a few remained frens but was very prejudice... so... i'm gonna clear some misconceptions here... some tt i've encounter and u will be surprise with how stupid some pple can get... but before tt... something interesting and fitting into the theme... you see... pple dun really know us... and they think they do... really... you straight pple think you know everything and are always so supreme and above it all... (ok not all of you... just those arrogant immature straight pple who goes ard attackin sexuality) 1. We do not devour anything wearing pants. Girls wear pants too... ok old joke... but the truth is this... just like you straight guys have preference... so do we... u wun have sex with just abt any other women would you? same here... yeah... i admit... there are guys who would have sex with anyone... but tt applies to the straight community too... and hey~ wad makes you think i would rape you while u r sleeping... do u really think u r tt attractive? tt is the BIGGEST thing abt straight pple tt pissed me off... 2. Not majority of us have AIDS thank you. If you check the records... majority of the AIDS patients are straight... AIDS was not created to eradicate the gays... looking at how the first human transmission took place... it would suggest tt AIDS was to eradicate the straight... afterall the first AIDS case between humans was beween a guy and a gal... and majority of AIDS victim are straight pple... and tis is a misconception too... really... despite all the education... there are pple who think tt AIDS is passed thru sharing of food... gosh... STUPID! and a waste of the govt effort to educate pple... 3. We are not monsters. tt is wad i wanna say for soooo long... are we monsters? do we have a horn somewhere or a tail kept under our pants? the last time i checked... we are like any other guys... just tt we like pple of the same gender... tt's all... are pple who like the stinky beancurb monsters? "Oh my gosh... you eat tt... you monster... i'm gonna cut all ties with you" you probably wun talk to him for an hour or two after he eats the beancurb tt's all... it is a matter of preference... so it appears tt i prefer guys over girls... tt's all... i dun pee thru my fingers and eat with my ass... so why cut ties with someone who is not straight? 4. We do not go around declaring we are gays and tt everyone seen with us are gays too... ok apart from the minority who will go ard very open with their sexuality... most of us dun... but the excuse i keep hearing... "only two of us? wait pple think i m gay how?" tt is funny... for starters... how do they know i m gay? i dun go ard announcing tt i m one? and if they know i'm gay... they would probably be gay too... and the circle is not tt big... they should know u r not... and even if they think u r... we will tell them u r not... unless u r hiding some truth... i mean if everyone (even the striaght pple themselves) think tt u r gay... maybe u r but just living in denial... and the greater concern is this... wad if someone thinks i m an asshole becoz i'm out wif one... ok... tis is the 4 tt i have in mind so far... i wanan do 5 but i guess i'll spare all of u... having said all these i wanna make another point... not all straight pple are like tt... i've really good frenz who are straight and ok with it... a very good example is my da jie Ally and her stead Ricko... they are perfectly find with going out with me and letting me eat their food and wadeva... there are straight pple who are very supportive of us coz they know tt some idiots just dunno us well and see us as a threat to mankind when they themselves are tt threat... anyways... if u r not those pple... there is no need to feel offended... but comment and tag anyways... if u r those pple... i'm nt interested in wad u have to say... so dun say anything... maybe i should make tis a meme... so tagging u for tis meme: Chris Andrew Dominic and if u dunno wad tis meme is abt is tis: misconceptions of the gay community raine yang - ai mei In Solitude at 5:11 pm 0 shared in solitude well... since dar gave his views about love... so will i... ain't fighting or anything... so dun worry... first the agreement... love to me is beyond a feeling but a commitment to each other... to be there for each other no matter wad happens... i guess my fav example is a mother and a baby... when a baby wakes up in the middle of the night crying and the couple tries to convince the other to go tend to the baby the mother will not feel like loving the child but rather sleep... does tt mean tt the mum dun love the child? no... the mum still wakes up and tend to the child... it is a commitment beyond a feeling... when the child throws tamtrum and argues with the mum and the mum dun feel love but anger... does tt mean tt the mum dun love the child? no... the mum still prepares food and wash his clothes and stuff... it is a commitment beyond a feeling... and to me... tt is love... beyond just a mere feeling of affection... but to commit to it and despite it all be by his side... and to be by his side is to allow him to know tt even if u dun meet up... u r always there for him... just like a child knows his family is always there for him (maybe except my family but i digress) the feeling of having him there... the sense of company and presence... now the disagreement... true enough... sometimes in the relationship... talking is optional... just being there for each other is better than talking... but when something happens if u really care for the person... you would wanna share his burden... and i always believe shared burden is half burden... and sometimes... i wun wanna just sit beside you to 'share' ur burden... but to hear u tell me wad is bugging u... even if i can't solve it for u... at least i can go thru the agony with you... you know... sometimes when i just sit down there... i feel so worthless... coz i can't do anything to help u except sitting down there... to u it is enough but to me... no... and the celebration? well it is just to create more memories and remember and to have more reasons to spend time wif the other party... coz at the end of the day... it would be memories we would be looking back to and not sitting by each other times... s.h.e - tian hui In Solitude at 4:43 pm 0 shared in solitude I started wanting to find X-men special ending and ended up watching Yu Le Bai Fen Bai and Kang Si Lai Le on youtube... haha... youtube is full of surprises... weee... anyways... met Chong Jie, Ken, Ally to celebrate Chong Jie's B'day... was able to push my work commitment away coz as always i try to gt someone to cover my duties if something is in the midst of confirmation... went to settlers central and had lotsa fun playing simple games like jenga and taboo... and yeah... it has been a long time since we went out and chat and chill like tt... pity dar cannot join us... it would be lotsa fun... anyways... happy birthday Chong Jie (although it is over) and Happy belated birthday kero... jolin tsai - wu niang In Solitude at 10:18 pm 0 shared in solitude remember my entry abt the indian bitch? well tis entry gt nth to do wif her... but her kind... (now now before u kill me or the govt charge me... when i say her kind i dun mean race, although the pple involved r indian... wad i mean by kind is arrogant, have little regard of others, selfish kinda pple...) i met Ally and Melvin on Friday coz Melvin was a little down and Ally and I r worried so we met up... anyways... on out way home... tis group of indian guys (and a gal but i'll use guys) started talking loudly... and one of them started playing his hp mp3 very very loudly... and topping it up... coz his mp3 was very loud, they spoke even louder so tt they can hear each other... and one of them (or two) stood up and danced for a little while before laughing very loudly... gosh... they were so irritating tt when Ally alighted, i changed seat coz i can't take it... but when i alight at city hall, i saw them and they were like "tt idiot, laugh everyone" and they laughed very loudly... i begin to wonder... why in the world are there pple like tt disgracing the indians? i mean i met very nice indians (Dr Balakrisnan is an example... he is a minister...) and today at work, the group of indians tt came in were very nice customers... why are there pple disgracing the indians... sigh... black sheeps (no offence indian friends) are darn irritating... the minority gets a very bad name coz of the black sheeps of tt grp... the indians are an example... the homosexuals are another example... and no matter how much good someone is doing... all u need is tt black sheep to spoil it... sigh~ dar... be careful of the govt... it is s'pore we are living in afterall... dar is complaining tt my blog skin is boring... should i change it... soon i guess... maybe in another year or so... muahahahaha anyways... every has been fine... i'm better now... i miss dar... he miss me... tt is good right? haha work is fun today... missed school too but coz i overslept... once upon a time i miss sch coz i can't sleep and now i miss sch coz i sleep too much... the irony of life... at work today lotsa nice guys (and gals before dar gets jealous) who made today very fun and not boring... i lost a game again... first was this game called Lord of the Fries and losing it cost me 2 Large Popcorn Chicken from KFC... tis game called East Come Easy Go (A die rolling game) cost me a 2 Piece Chicken Meal from KFC... luckily i decided to drop out of the next round or else i would be the one buying the 10 spicy drumlets from Pizza Hut... u guys should watch ellen degeneres... it is good funny and interesting... channel 5, 5pm weekdays... step sun&tanya chua - yuan dian In Solitude at 3:06 am 0 shared in solitude this indian bitch came over to my shop today to buy gelato... bought coffee... then paid me $2.80 then i told her it is $3.20... below is our conversation she: why is it $3.20? i thought u put $2.80 me: that is the price for the gelato of the month which is vanilla she: then why u ut $2.80. it looks like the price is for the whole selection. me: (pointing to the sign) madam, it reads: gelato of month, vanilla, $2.80, conditions apply she: but u make the sign look like the price is for all the selection me: (pointing to the gelato) which is why if anyone ever misunderstand, we also have a sign for the flavor at this point of time... i think u all wanna know how the sign looks like... sadly i have not taken a picture but i will vaguely show u wad it looks like... _____________________ Gelato of the week (Vanilla) $2.80 Conditions Apply conditions _____________________ and driven into the tub of gelato on display is a sign tt reads: Offer $2.80 and right beside the fridge on display is our price board... very big and on it the pricing reads: Small $3.20... most of our other customers understand... and if they misunderstand they will go 'oh i'm sorry'... or 'oh ok'... but she... she: u all confuse customers. never mind... dun waste my time... why it is so expensive? (to her husband) what to do, we are in orchard... they can charge high prices... (dig another $2 note to pay for the difference) me: (took the money) our gelato is not really expensive if u compare it... (key cash, take change while saying all these) she: (interrupting) dun waste my time... (snatch money) BITCH!!! u blur dun blame pple lah... if majority can understand the sign and those who can't can accept tt they see wrongl... why can't u... actully i can refuse the sales if i wan to... after all when she say she wanna buy it is an invitation to treat (or trade) or an offer to go into a transaction... the one tt accepts the invitation or transaction is the seller (go read up on contract law if u dunno wad i'm talking abt... how a contract is sealed) so i have all legal right not to sell her anything... met dar after work and bought him supper but i ate half of it instead... did not interact much coz i'm tired and he was sharing ghost story wif his collegue... haha... i'm nt sleepy... how? jolin tsai - wu niang In Solitude at 1:26 am 1 shared in solitude After a little misunderstanding... i ended up in work... was fun and now kinda tired... end of logic i guess it is my responsibility... it has to be smth i said or did that caused some reactions in tt manner... i m now beginning to question the fundamental core of myself... and beginning to have doubts if i am really who i think i m and who i wanna be... i really dunno wad i wan from myself and from others... and i really dunno wad i wanna give in response to myself and others... i'm tired... but i can't escape... How easy to choose death... not out of despair but of boredom that numbs like ice held too long in your hand... vex, frustrated... the mask i so hate to put on... yet a mask i dun dare to remove... label me... H Y P O C R I T E i'm so lost in my mask i no longer no which is the mask and which is not... my sky is dark my heart the season of falling leaves i dunno how to survive tonight all the lights has been extingushed s.h.e - tian hui In Solitude at 2:57 am 0 shared in solitude there will be no logical flow... no grouping of ideas... just babbles and senseless linkage and delusions... i apologise for the long post... but i need somewhere to express some writings to gather my own thoughts... skip this entry if u dun wanna read it... it is ok... really... my mind has been in a mess lately... i dunno why but i can't help feeling a little confused and lost in my own train of thoughts... dun ask how it started and why it started but it is beginning to improve coz of thursday's performing lesson... instead of the normal performing lesson benny spent a big amt of time talking to me and told me alot abt himself and a few interesting observations and questions were posed... why do i wanna go into drama? well i guess it is an escape of my life... all this while i seek a reprieve from the world that i live in and and escape from the cruel environment i'm in... and if it cannot be done practically... i can only live in my delusion and rely on theatre to escape that... it also gives me an opportunity to be who i will never be... rich, attractive, clever anything... all in the hands of the script and director, yet freedom for me to play them as i wish... sense of meaning in confident in life... and the recognition i so desire, nt to be put down but to be lifted up... i guess all along in my life i had been put down... till that i dare not appear weak... i remember being sick when i m young and i was always told to wait till the next day to go to the polyclinic... alone... and if my dad were to bring me to the doctor, he would scold me for falling sick... insisting tt i was fine but lookin for excuse to hide from school... i nvr really recovered from my illnesses... just suppresed it... there was once i had a fever and he brought me to the doctor... the doctor, as usual trying to assure a parent said i was fine, just fever... nth a little medication and rest can't fix... on my way home, he kept claiming i m faking it... the doctor said i was fine and i just wasted money seeing a doctor... and subsequently... i begin to see doctors with money either maternal grams gives me or in recent years my own money... i was left to fend for myself after my mum's death... when trouble comes either i gt no support or i gt trashing instead... when i was in p 3 or 4 i wanna celebrate my b'day wif my classmates but after that, for a few years, i kept getting trashing from my paternal grandma and dad for wasting time and money and energy... no one in my family really remembers my birthday except for my maternal grams... until recent years my sister begins to remember it and tries to make an effort to celebrate it with me... when things happened in school... i was left to account for myself... and when my sis gt into trouble, i took over the role my dad and bro is suppose to play... all these while... i onli gt putting down, challeneged and ignored by my dad... i guess ultimately... despite alli say or do... i desire the recognition from tt one person who i guess will never give me tt recognition... challenging him with my own ideas, doing things my way... just to hear him say "well u did it"... but it never came... benny mentioned that i keep things to myself and not open up... i guess it is abt being so vulnerable when u really open up to pple... starters, they see me in a light tt was not normally protrayed... and i dun really wanna be seen as a weak guy... afterall... i was left to fend for myself... any signs of weakness will put me into a bad position... secondly, after all i've lost... i fear losing... if i open myself too much to a person and lose him... i will have to go thru the pain again... so i m pretty selective abt who i'm open to... i did have a few pple i'm very open to and well... many of them, either due to my foolishness or their pride, decides to turn away... putting me thru the pain i so fear facing... and yes... those who knows... the situation between jeslyn and i had affected me alot... i may not had handled it the best way it should be handled... but the way she handled it had hurt me a lot too...which is why... i doubt things can ever be the same again for the both of us... a broken cup mend together will still have cracks visible... it may add new design to the cup but it is undeniable tt it will never be the same cup again... i m moving on... nt totally but still managing to let go slowly... benny is right... many times i feel very lonely and i m pretty much a lone person... after all i've been thru... i forced myself to be self sufficient... i forced myself to be authoritative... i became delusional and i guess many pple cannot accept me as a team player... i dunno but pple dun really like staying by my side for a long time... when i was in St Pat's i dun have much close frenz... just a handful... when i was in TP... i was a lone ranger... when i m in SP onli a few would associate themselves with me... but nt much contact even... pple ask me why i lose motivatio in school... when u are a little outcasted and u just cannot do something right... u really have no confidence and mood to carry on... u may think otherwise... u may tell me otherwise... u may advice me otherwise... but u r nt me... even if i put u thru all the things i have been thru... u may nt react like me... i guess tt is when everybody is unique... however... i begin not to detest myself for all tt had happened... i guess it is becoz i know i m unique... special... only one in the world... benny said this to me: not everyone can do it like u coz only u have that emotion that u wanna protray... this session helped cleared a lot of my thoughts and align a lot of my randomness... things he said made sense suddenly and made me feel differently now... and now... the confusion is dissipating... the train seem to be on track... and i seem to be able to perform my 4 pieces better... a few names needs special mention... i uess they are the ones who had made it thru many list and still appears on it... no new names... just some old names tt keep appear and never seemed to have left it... even though they may not feel tt way... Douglas and Ally... onli two actually... one since sec sch and one from the most unlikely place to get a fren... tuition class... i guess i'm a wordy person... too much words sometimes... but well... i m not one who would post much pictures... so just bare with it... a picture may paint a thpusand words but words without pictures brings forth more room for imagination... it is an age long debate... let's not start it... haha... gotta prepare for school... 8 am make up lessons... no we dun learn how to make up... it is more like a revision class kinda thing... s.h.e - tian hui seem to be listening to tis song alot lately In Solitude at 5:43 am 0 shared in solitude have been back to school and well my lecturers are pretty nice, esp. my accounts lecturer... she keep encouraging me... well... will try my ebst in doing things... thanks Dar for giving me wake up sms although it would be better if u call... but then again... i can't be too demanding right? celebrated out 4th month by watching recycle... a pretty interesting show if u were to ask me... the thing abt me is this... i keep freaking myself out in the cinema... nt scary i keep saying it is scary... haha... but all has been well... coz i was able to watch the rest of the show without covering my eyes... nice show... gt him prestat chocolate while he decided to give me everything together on my birthday... he say wanna save up for smth big... excited~ all i'm saving up for is my bills, debts and the bangkok trip end of the year... hopefully can execute the trip... always wanna go to thailand again... things has been quiet ard me... and i'm kinda getting used to it... well... still contact me if possible to hang out s.h.e - tian hui In Solitude at 4:57 pm 0 shared in solitude i finally know wad 'meme' is about... it is a blog game when someone reproduce a similiar entry tt someone else had posted and tag u for reproduction... then u have to reproduce then tag someone else... so i have been tagged by chris (http://thefirstofspring.blogspot.com) to reproduce a couple of his entries... ~-*-~ the objective of this meme is to write the dullest blog entry ever. i woke up, ate, computer, buy goods, eat, blogged. tagging you for this meme: Thomas Dominic Andrew Jeremy Tim ~-*-~ the objective of this meme is to write 8 points of your perfect lover (note... PERFECT so dun lie) 1.176cm and above well i would wan someone tall to look after me... sense of security... haha 2. 65kg tt would be in line with the height... not too fat... 3. great sex i'm horny ok? 4. always there for me when i need him and gives me lotsa space when i need it i m a guy who needs lotsa attention yet fear someone too sticky... 5. rich i spend a lot so i need him to be rich 6. cute how can i even forget to mention tt 7. gives in to me all the time i like being a spoilt brat 8. sexy... hot, sexy, lean... yummy my point: no such thing as a perfect lover... it is all about loving the guy perfectly... of coz if u fit into all these qualities and dun mind being a second fiddle (i.e. mistress) u can always step forward... haha thomas... dun jealous ok? i love u no matter wad u r... of coz if u can become my perfect lover even better =X tagging you for this meme: Thomas Dominic Andrew Jeremy Tim s.h.e - tian hui In Solitude at 12:48 am 0 shared in solitude The inter-school track and field is on again and the school giving alot of attention the happenings of the event. The 4x100m relay is the event of attention this year for the school. After failing to clinch any golds in other events, the hopes of getting one falls on this event. Although this is not the forte of the school and it is the first time in school history that they made it into the finals, it is at least still a hope. The burden of this hope fell on the relay team: Wayne, Ron, Shuan and Henry. The burden do bring stress. Although they did say, "If we were to fail, the school wouldn't blame us. After it is the first time and being able to make it to the finals is an accomplishment already", in the beginning but as the date draws near, the stress increased especially after what the principal told them the day before. The stress fell upon them like bags of rice. "Only first, no other position. This is not an order, but the faith I have in all of you." The 4x100m relay is the last event of the track and field meet and always the hotest must-watch event of the track and field meet. 6 teams made it into the finals this year. The participants are ready and on the bang of the gun, all of them made their dash towards the next in line. The crowd cheered. Wayne passed the baton to Ron and was pretty pelased with his results. They were in second place. Ron took the baton, ran faster and overtook the first and now they are leading. Three teams are way behind. Shuan, running the third lap must keep up the effort. Sadly, upon recieving the baton and running for not more than 30 metres, Shuan tripped and almost fell face flat forward. The crowd gasped and luckily, Shuan managed to get a hold of himself and continued running. But by then, he fell to second place again. Henry took over the baton and ran with all his might to the finishing line. But alas, no matter how hard he tried, he could only maintain his second position. So close but yet so far. The schoold can't help but to feel a little disappointed. Shuan kept blaming himself for the careless accident but the others keep encouraging him. "Silver is very good already. No one thought we could make it into the finals but look! Silver!" That trip brought the 4 of them closer and matured them. A month later, they got the first gold ever in the school'd history in a inter-school basketball match. Because of understanding, friendship becomes more meaningful and firm. In moments of failure, don't find faults but accept it together because only in moments of failure can you see who each other really is. Only with understanding each other, can you strike again together. Success without the blessings and cheers of your friends can be one of life's regrets. dar came to look for me at my workplace after confusing himself... this is the bad thing when u have two workplace... dar dunno where i worked and went to the wrong one... but he found me in the end and bought me dinner... haha... although my boss bought us dinner (without telling us) i still ate dar's chicken rice... haha... then he had to rush back to school but no money! gt money from me... so... did he buy me chicken rice? kidding... he is in band camp now... settlers was fun coz kinda quiet so we joined a couple in playing game... the guy kinda cute.. haha... the last forfeit was to take off a piece of clothing seductively... wasted... they allowed sock... if not will make him take his shirt off =X haha ok... better sign off now... been updatin lotsa nonsense with the stories lately... coco lee - bei ai de nu ren In Solitude at 3:20 am 0 shared in solitude | ||||||||||||