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According to Channel 5 news (i heard on my way home on TVMobile) today is the malay new year... so... HAPPY NEW YEAR... very pissed this lunar new year... Eve: My father did not eat dinner with us... considering eating with as a waste of time and from tt moment on he shall be known as my sister's father... 1st day: Planned to go to perternal side for visitation... but did not coz dad wanna go stepmum side... long story... pissed... he decided to postponned to second day... i was asked to stay at grandma place to help her with wadeva relative tt come while my sis go wif her dad to help me collect... maternal grams relative came... abt 20 came... then my grandma relative went to her place and she ask me and bro to go over (sis went out) my bro go over i decide to stay and help grams so i ask bro to help me get from grandma... at the end he say he shy did not take... so there he is... earning extra 5 angpow of 4 dollars each... 2nd day: Coz of grandma place help out i missed trina mum and grams which total up to 18 dollars... however... till abt 1 plus then grams told me tt relatives told her they not coming... but i did not hear the phone ring or anything... sigh... my sis' dad cancelled the visitation today again and postponned it to the third day... tt mess up my plans for suat ling and kang wei... then munz cancelled on us making me pretty upset from the build up... called him and told him off... i trust tt he will think abt it... 3rd day(today): Called off suat ling wifout telling her... went late... sis was delayed by a pastor wannabe by almost 1 hr... set off late... coz of it... i was very very late for kang wei... and we did not go to all the relative planned coz grandma and my sis' dad keep toking and toking... i have to take cab and spent 10 dollars to get to his place and did not stay long to catch up wif him... left and rush to work... was very late... very pissed on the 3 days... total for the CNY first 3 days: abt 150 due to all the cancellation and postponning and stuff... 平凡幸福-张玉华 In Solitude at 10:31 pm 0 shared in solitude wahahahaha... my sister computer account is on channel 8 today... dunno why... muahahahaha... interesting seeing words in chinese... my plans are ruined!!! my other grams told me in the afternoon that we will be going to my grandpa relative for visitation... as such i made plans for tmr and stuff... today when we went over dad say we nt going today... we go tmr... coz he wanna go stepmum place... and he thought coz grandpa nt ok we should stay home and also coz he claim grams nvr tell him we going to bai nian... who should i trust? so i decided to carry on as planned and ignore him tmr... my bro can collect all for me and i take from him... i guessed tt pissed him off coz he was sulking since leaving my grams place... happy? i said i will try... it will be hard this year... after all the signs tt he is not treating us as family... In Solitude at 11:09 am 0 shared in solitude HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!! happy? i'll try... In Solitude at 1:22 am 0 shared in solitude i just had my reunion dinner... without my dad and stepmum and half brother... apparently they dun wanna eat with us... my dad said... dun be stupid like last year... no need to waste time and wait for him... eat first without him... he being a rather traditional chinese should know better than us average youngsters... reunion dinner should be taken with the WHOLE family... thus the term reunion dinner... when the whole family is busy thruout the whole year to eat together... that special day is set aside to reunite the whole family to eat and spend time to welcome the new lunar new(tt is from my knowledge... if it is wrong please correct me) and now he wans us to eat without the 3 of them... it is a rather obvious hint that he dun really regard as family... first he wans me to stop taking letters for him if i cannot deliver it to him via his room door... now this... sigh... why have this family become like that... to my sister he said: i buy i drink... u wan u buy with ur own money... then the letter incident then the dinner incident... i m really disappointed with my dad... all i wan is family... is it too much to ask for? 张玉华-平凡幸福 In Solitude at 6:30 pm 0 shared in solitude 张玉华-平凡幸福 雾 遮住了路 心里痛楚 有谁能够倾诉 苦 在情海里沉浮 笑着结束 也算一种幸福 哭 在镜子前面哭 这么多年直到时间流逝 我才觉悟 我只要平凡的幸福 爱别人也被人呵护 在天气变冷的时候 感觉他的温度 我渴望平凡的幸福 找一个甜蜜的束缚 每当委屈无助 有他为我在乎 张玉华-平凡幸福 In Solitude at 1:38 am 0 shared in solitude First was the Georgian New Year... then now is Lunar New Year... come October is the Wiccan/Celtic New Year... i wonder when is the Muslim New Year... also wanna celebrate... the Hindi New Year also can... whoever came up with the idea of spring cleaning... so free... i can almost imagine... couple sits there then suddenly... "why not we clean up our place thoroughly before spring set in" "ok... let's start now" and before u know it... the whole village got down to cleaning... then the whole county... then the whole country... and alas... now the whole world keeps to tt... i became cinderella today (nt the rich happily ever after cinderella... the poor tortured and abused one...) i washed the kitchen the soap, scrub, splash manner... then i have to mop the whole place dry then wash the toilet... and after it is done... grams still grumble abt it not being clean... then i negotiate wif her... later when bro come home he sweep then i mop coz i wanna take a break... she said ok if i help him move the furniture so tt the whole place can be properly swept and cleared... then bro come back... he say he wanna sleep so... u guessed it... i have to move the furniture, sweep and mop all by myself... then my bro wae up eat liao use comp to play until abt 11... my sis was suppose to help wif the chores but she went to have her nails painted... and i end up doing her chore... which is to change the sofa cover, wash the dishes and do some wiping... crap... sigh~ why is it i dun get the luxury of the oldest son yet have to do the dirty job tt is his... why is it i m not a gal... i can go paint my nials too... maybe i should drag... tokin abt drag... i found a pair of heels... nt very high... onli 1 inch... and i wore it thruout the whole chore thingy... very hard to walk sometimes... coz the balance quite bad... but it was fun... gonna challenge higher heels soon... muahahahaha... anyways... i forsee myself not being able to come online till probably after tuesday... so... whoever u r reading this... happy lunar new year... may ur harvest be abundant... jackie chan jin xi shan - shen hua In Solitude at 11:23 pm 0 shared in solitude I dun normally do movie reviews... and i have no intention in doing one now... just wanna post some feelings after watching it wif Jes and Munz and Trina on Wednesday... the opening strike me real hard... when was the last time u praised someone? when was the last time u were praised by someone? thru out the whole show there were some interesting scenes... some yummy scenes... some predictable scenes... yet it really struck me coz it really depicts the situation at home now... but then again... how many pple will have drastic things happening to them so much so tt their father would appreciate them? how many would appreciate their dad coz of major events like tt in the movie... wad's more... the father made efforts but my dad? and my dad will never stumble upon my blog and stuff coz he could not care less... the ending of the show is something tt i guess all of us as children or parents would wan... when the father finally appreciated the children for wad they have done and the children finally grew close to the father and mother... the idea of seeing the value in ur children and seeing the worth of ur father dun really seem possible in my family... there were times i felt like crying in the show nt coz it is touching but coz i feel there is no way my family would head tt direction... like wad shawn lee's character wrote in his blog... slowly i realise that home is just a place where i go back at night to sleep... i lost faith in family ever since mum died... quarrelled wif dad the day before the movie... and after the movie... it really feels like Jack Neo is mocking me... haha... ~*-*~*-*~ yesterday i asked my brother to help with the chores at home and he did nth but play computer game the whole day... then when i reached home and asked him he said he did nth... here is a part of yesterday's conversation: me: and i thought the army teach u all about being responsible him: the army teach us to siam as much responsibility as possible if not we will only get into trouble... me: is it... wait till i blog about it and see wad the government have to say abt it and i will refer them to u... him: u bastard and thus i m left wif the responsibility to clean up the whole kitchen (washing the floor, cleaning the walls etc) and sweep, mop and pack up the rest of the house... and he is the eldest... i thought he is suppose to play tt role... why is it the middle child always get hell... sun yan zi tong lei In Solitude at 10:13 pm 0 shared in solitude tmr is his b'day... since 2001 when i knew him i liked him till now... all these while i m confused if he is one and if he likes me too... and i really miss him... i keep tellin myself i should forget him... but... 如果重来一遍 我们能走多远 时间不断重复着思念 距离台北纽约 我们分隔两边 划分我们之间的界线 我恨我当初没把你留下 我不该以为自己很伟大 听着你说对于未来的梦想 你说想去闯 我不该阻挡 你过的好吗 有比我好吗 是否还像从前的任性模样 还习惯一个人住吗 独立让人成长 我相信 你有双坚强的翅膀 你过的好吗 还会想我(爱)吗 听说你身边多了个爱你的他 他应该对你很好吧 代替我的肩膀 保护你 快乐的飞翔(你过的好吗) 如果重来一遍 我们能走多远 想要保持沉默却有太多的话想说 你拥有了自由而我只剩难过 试探你的心中是否还有我的影踪 昨日留下的梦化作美丽的星空 笑着说不难过但是眼泪骗不了我 是坚强还是懦弱早已模糊了我 我开始懂得试着让自己慢慢忘记你 看着我们的爱随着时间过期 我开始了解感情的世界没有输和赢 曾经深爱着你在有效期限里过期 元卫觉醒 过期 In Solitude at 3:38 am 0 shared in solitude I wrote a journal regarding my frenz incident for my interpersonal communication module and having just complete it i decided to post it here... u know who u r... names of those involved have been changed to protect them blah blah blah... so here goes: Chris and Patrina are good friends for five years. They had known each other through some dance club and had been best of friends since. Patrina has a very good friend, Leann, whom she knew for ten years. Lately, Patrina felt that she has been getting signals from Chris and assumed that he liked her. Patrina told some of her friends regarding these signals. When confronted by Patrina’s friends, Chris denied liking her. However, Patrina continues getting signals from Chris. On Leann’s birthday, Patrina and Leann had a written conversation regarding Chris’ signals to her. In it, Patrina wrote about her feelings to the things Chris had done and how she read those as signals from him. Without the approval or knowledge of Patrina, Leann sent the letter to Chris, asking him to read it and give her (Leann) a reply to what he read. On the day Chris got the letter, he had just returned from guard duty and was very tired. After reading the letter, he felt very misunderstood and very upset as he had told many of her friends that he is not keen in her romantically. Adding on to that, he had a very long night without much sleep. Being tired and angry, he blew his top and decided to cut of all ties with Patrina, without Patrina knowing what had happened. He told Patrina that he wants to end the friendship and do not want to hear from her again. Soon after, Patrina got news of what happen from their mutual friends, Jessica and Titus. She was very upset that Chris read the letter, which she regards as her diary, and that Chris decided to take that course of action. She felt very embarrassed now that Chris knows something that she prefer to keep to herself. She decided to cut all ties with Leann as she felt Leann had betrayed her. This matter can be approached from three different people: Leann, Patrina and Chris, looking at their thoughts, emotions, actions and consequences. Leann, after the written conversation, thought that Chris is really wrong in denying any attraction towards Patrina She assumed that Chris is really interested in Patrina. She felt injustice for Patrina. She felt upset, as her good friend had a liking for Chris and Chris is sending signals to her, yet dare not admit that he likes her. Thus, she decided to take actions into her own hands. After getting Patrina’s feelings to the whole episode, she sent the letter to Chris, hoping that Chris, after reading the letter, would awake and admit to liking Patrina. However, the plan backfired and made Chris pretty upset over the whole issue. This caused the friendship between Chris and Patrina and the relationship between Patrina and Leann to break. I feel that Leann should not have take things into her own hands. Even though she had the interest of Patrina in mind, she should not have sent something so private and entrusted into her hands to someone else, especially if the content was targeted at that somebody. Patrina have misread actions of Chris to be signs that he likes her. She started to assume Chris likes her. As her feelings for Chris developed, she allowed these thoughts to continue to grow. As the thoughts grew, her assumption got stronger. After exchanging the written conversation with Leann and having the conversation sent as a letter to Chris, she thought that Chris has seen the worst side of her. She thought that having seen her deeper secrets, she would not be able to face Chris. Thus her feeling of embarrassment and self-condemnation grew and she decided not to face Chris. Also, she thought that a third party should not read something so private. Having entrust something so private to her best friend and yet she betrayed that trust to send it out to someone else, she thought that her friend had not really put her in regards. She felt very unjust. She felt that if anyone should be angry, it should not be Chris. She thought that Chris, being her good friend, should have told her about it. Yet, just because Leann told him not to, he decided to keep mum. She thought he was wrong to do that. This made her angry and she felt furious about how her friends can treat her as if she is nobody and her privacy can be compromised. Thus she decided to cut all ties with both Chris and Leann. I felt that Patrina had been too sensitive regarding some of the signals from Chris. She should have approached Chris and have a talk about the signals she is getting instead of keeping it to herself and developing the thoughts and feelings. After what had happened, she should give Leann a chance to explain herself and also to meet up with Chris and explain things and talk things through. She should not be ashamed of her feelings and should face the both of them as herself, not being embarrassed about anything. Chris, having gone through a very long night in army, had returned home feeling very tired and in a bad mood. Having reading the letter in that condition, he had felt rather angry. He had been telling people that he is not romantically interested in Patrina and now he received a letter that seemed like a judgment. He felt accused as the things in the letter is not hoe he really feels and why he reacted the way he did. Feeling tired of all these and being upset that he had been accused, he decided to end the whole episode once and for all. He thought that by cutting ties with her, there would be no more misunderstanding from Patrina or any of her friends. He felt justified with the decision and in his fit of anger, thought that it is the best way out. Thus he told Patrina, through Jessica, that he never wanted to hear from him again. I thought that Chris could have handled the situation more maturely. He should have informed Patrina about the letter despite what Leann told him. He should have taken a breather to really consider why people would misunderstand him and then meet Patrina to clear the misunderstanding. Instead of being angry with Patrina, he should have seen her as an innocent party as she did not know what had happened. He should have at least told Patrina that she had misunderstood him about the things he had done instead of cutting ties to clear the misunderstanding. After all that had happened, I feel that he needs to sit down face to face with Patrina to clear the misunderstanding. When immediate thoughts are allowed to fuel any emotion, normally drastic things would happen, like the incident in this journal. I think that all three parties should really consider how to rectify the problem now, checking their thoughts and emotions then and the actions that they have taken based on those thoughts and emotions. I feel upset that things had taken such a turn, as they are really close with each other. They should try and understand the emotions and thoughts of each other and then solve the problem. *~*~*~*~*~* so these is my view and feelings regarding the situation... those involved, read it and comment in my comments ok? if anyone has anything to say u can also post in my comments... i hope i can get good results for this journal... thank God it is a practice piece... she will mark it and give it back, tellin use how to improve it for the final submission... i really need comments coz i dunno how to write it... haha... from now till 7 i have to stay awake... wad should i do? porn or blog/web surfing??? 蔡健雅(Tanya) - 无底洞(Bottomless pit) In Solitude at 4:59 am 2 shared in solitude It has been raining since new year's day... the terrible rain just refuse to stop... sigh... alas alomost 20 days has pass since the countdown and many things had happened since then... the rain, the mood, my health, the relationships around me... they just keep heading down... the rain had not stopped... it has been raining making it very cozy and comfy to sleep... but also making it very emotional... sometimes i just sit and watch the rain go down... the streets so quiet and the mood just go down down down... my mood is very bad lately... simply no mood for anything and the only thought in mind is really only death... not tt i will commit suicide... coz i dun really believe in the phuckin idea tt death is the solution to everything but death as in i will be able to turn my back at all these problems and pain i m facing... my grandma has been accusing me of taking drugs, smoking and drinking... when i go to school she thinks i m hanging out in a gang or doing some illegal stuff... i had been fighting with her with words and now... i really have nothing to say to her... my home has now become but just a hostel... i m dying to move out... i m dying to get out... my chest pain has been acting up again... i m assuming it is the chest wall infection from the last time coz the doctor did mention tt it will come back... my head is acting up i guess probably due to the stress... sleep never seem enough... the tension between my frenz are building up... my class relationship is at its all time high in soreness... from wad i see... there is very little intergroup interaction... and there is a breakdown between 2 frenz of mine over a letter... i will write abt it after i completed my assignment... i m using tt story as the assignment for understanding others' emotions... and really i m beginning to wonder if i have a part to play in it... i never really m a harbringer of good luck... i m always known to have foul luck... and i always have wondered if those pple around me dun know me... will their luck be different... *~*~* the comments page is useless... no one post comments... why have i worked so hard to get it working? Ann Kok 忽略(Neglect) In Solitude at 12:53 am 1 shared in solitude
Name Acronym Generator From Go-Quiz.com In Solitude at 12:40 pm 0 shared in solitude well well well... i watched the news and they mentioned tt sites with copyrighted music will either have to pay $1000(per song) to put tt song up or get into trouble with law... i thought blogs are excluded... then guess wad? my fren told me tt blogs are affected too... and so i removed my song... darn... we really tt rich har? $1000... they say the standard is base on Jap coz they pay 1000 too... i m wondering is it 1000 yen or did they do their conversion? first i have to be careful about posting or else i might break the law... then i must remove this and tt... soon all i will be posting is this: i wake up. i go out meet fren. we eat at hawker centre. we talk. we laugh. i take bus. i go home. i sleep. oh ya... i forgot abt the toilet and stuff... but u wun wan the details right? PISS!!! it is a wonder if i dun suffer from depression... my grams has become extremely 'supportive' and 'encouraging' saying tt everytime i go out is for fun... tt i m taking drugs... tt my frenz r losers coz they r my frenz... my dad is on cold war with me... tellin everyone ard him tt i m a spoilt brat and stuff... my other grandma call me a 'pai jia' (meaning a guy who spoils the family name normally by spending then getting into alot of financial problem and thus gettin into debts and cause the family to be bankrupt) growing up in this environment... if i can still have high self esteem... i m a real powerful guy... yeah i should proof them wrong... but well.. try living in my shoes... u wun have the energy to... ignoring all these and more... i got the photo uploaded and copied(thanks jes) from the jb trip on 6th Jan and bugis trip on 7th Jan... here they are... taken in JB before my hair dye and cut...  after it is dyed... i try to take a pic for myself... but i failed...  thanks jes for helping me with this... i look very tired and 'xia4 lan3' right? 
 then got new specs  then went nerdy... (for one day only...)  then got long hair .jpg) then got hair cut and took my first topless pic *shy*  then got my hair cut and dyed...  ywjx-ni hao ma In Solitude at 2:47 am 0 shared in solitude
i guess i got too much time to waste hamasaki ayumi who... In Solitude at 5:07 am 0 shared in solitude the few days have been very tiring... my sis gt a mattress so her old mattress goes to me and sleeping on it just makes me feel tt i have insufficient sleep... sigh~ been to JB and spent a lot of money... RM180 for half yr suply of contact lense RM100 for dying and cutting hair RM110 for Body Gloves T-shirt and Pants RM75 for my sis and my shirt RM30 for socks RM15(?) for food RM510 or S$232 total i like the hair cut at JB... unlike s'pore, the stylist explained everything tt he is gonna do to me and tell me why he is doing wad he is doing... so i kinda know wad is going on... if s'pore stylist were to do the same thing also i would be able to give my views abt my hair and not just getting the same old thing... met up wif Ally, CJ and Suat over at Suat's place and played with the baby... long time no hang out in our group like tt... haha... had a lot of fun catching up and chatting wif them... gonna drag suat out to club one day... but have to convince Alex to look after the baby... haha... i'm sleepy... gonna zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz In Solitude at 10:33 pm 0 shared in solitude Being awake now is not a good thing right? thanks to my super slack attitude to life... i just completed my report due tuesday... yes tuesday... 3rd Jan 2006... the day when i pissed almost everybody off? yup... tt day... 3rd and 4th no go sch... so it is left with today tt i m beginning to go to school... so being awake at this time having to kill time before i get ready for school wad do i do? update my blog... and i have thought thru it... here are my new year resolutions: if i wanna eat i dun spend, if i wanna spend i dun eat i guess it explains itself... i can only choose one... i can't have the best of both worlds... which leads me to my next resolution debt free 2007 i will use 2006 to retire from all my debts... and trust me... it is a lot... M1 300, my current bills 300, Ally 300 and many many more... all my 'official' debts must be cleared by August 2006 if not i will get into legal trouble... driving licence or at least work towards it this year... i have been telling myself since 18 tt i wanna get a licence... by this year i must start taking driving lessons... vague yeah... but who cares... continue promotion in education ok... i m trying hard not to get expelled by the polytechnic... which means i must start going for my lessons and study hard... i m trying to work towards it... which explains why i m here and not sleeping and skipping my lessons for the day... lose weight here's another vague one... but tied hand in hand with resolution 1 i think it is gonna work... of coz it includes getting better looking clothes and change my image a bit... to the best of my abilities... if i can't stop myself from looking ugly... i can stop myself from looking uglier... so here u have it... top 5 resolutions now my expectations enjoy myself as much as possible well this is subjective and looking at the rate things are progressing... it is tough... but who cares... and hey this does not include relationships coz i've pretty much given up hope tt it will come... if it comes i m gonna enjoy it... when not... i m still gonna enjoy... or try to... be who others are to me i m expecting to piss those who piss me off and be nice to those who are nice to me while not changing how i interact with pple now... which means i m still me if u dun piss me off and if u wan me to be nicer... be nicer to me... so be nice... *smiles* fulfil my resolutions well it is an expectation i have every year... so let's see if i can meet with this expectation this year 'round well here u have it... something due on 1st Jan... but well... phuck it... who says resolutions must be set on 1st Jan... off to preparation for school... Ann Kok - 忽略 In Solitude at 6:06 am 1 shared in solitude today is the 3rd day of the new year and i m beginning to hate the new year... i piss my frenz off making them unhappy... i piss my family off... esp. my sister... and i finally get to see how my sister treats me and values me despite all she says... i feel more lonely as the days progress in 2006 and it is only the third day... i cried for the first time in the year... i wan my wish to come true... i m tired of life... the only reason why i m carrying on is because i have to... i dun agree to suicide but death really seem to be the only way out of my misery... if i die... my family would be sad for a year or two... then they move on (judging from the way my family sees me... i doubt 1 year is how long they take... maybe 3 months...) my frenz would be sad for a while then talk about me ocassionally... but now living in my 21st year... i already dread living and dread growing up... i need encouragement and love from people around me... why dun they understand... family is no longer family to me... it is no longer a home... it is just a house to me now... i have no home... 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