maystar * designs |
in the blink of an eye... 2005 is coming to an end... 2006 is coming... suddenly i m amazed at how time flew... i m dazzled by the speed that things are going... and how much had gone by... i ain't concluding the year now... i will come 1st Jan 2006... but sitting here now... i wonder where did the year go... one moment i turned 16 and suddenly... i m 20 with 2005 ending... this is too scary to think of it... suddenly i broke 20 and moving towards 21... suddenly i will be accountable for my every action... suddenly i can be charged in court if i dun pay my bills... this 20 years i feel had been worthless... i had slacken my 20 years away... as i live my 21st year... i feel that if anyone to valuate my 20 years they will find it in deficit... i screw up my life... in sec sch i was in the second best class... then i screw up my o levels and cannot go to somewhere i wanna go... went to TP... i screw it up and almost got expelled... and now in SP... history is repeating itself... it has been 6 weeks and i had not attended a single ECT and CT lesson... term 3 is ending... and if i fail ECT 1 more time... i can get ready for NS... i suddenly hate myself (not tt i love myself to begin with) i was wondering... if my dad had given me away 14 years ago... will things be different? maybe... but wadeva it is... i hate myself now... the way twist and turned after my mum's death had made me a very depressed person... i had control over my life... but i screw it up... if i can go back to the past... how would i live tis life of mine? i have too many regrets... and honestly... no will to live... as i listen to the song on loop... part of the lyrics really reflect my life now... 昨日留下的梦化作美丽的星空 笑着说不难过但是眼泪骗不了我 是坚强还是懦弱早已模糊了我 the dreams from yesterday has become the star litted sky smiling saying that i m not sad but tears cannot lie to me m i strong or is it cowardice i my now confused my dreams are just dreams... they are not in any cpacity to come to pass anymore... i hate being poor... i hate being lazy... i hate being depress... i hate hating myself... i hate having low self esteem... i hate my life... i hate my situation... i hate not changing myself... i know i can... but... i just cannot find the strength to... i cannot find the strength to face myself... maybe it is a good thing tt i m single... maybe it is a good thing tt many who once befren me no longer call me a fren... maybe it is a good thing for them to drift away... i m a jerk... a worthless fool... someone who dun deserve anything... -ywjx guo qi- In Solitude at 1:15 am 0 shared in solitude | ||||||||||||