Solitude ~ A Personal World of My Own
A world mixed with fact and fiction. Yet, a world where I am who I really am. Things you may not know can be found here. Look around and leave with a better understanding that my world is not as bright and colorful as it always seems. Enjoy the ride.

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Born to be:Tim
Around for:25 years
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I never thought that it could happen. It feels like just off the movies. It feels just like a dream.

I first met him at a community theatre play. He was playing a rather major role, I remember. Being a theatre lover and critic to a certain extend, I kind of enjoyed his performance as I can really see that he was good. Reading through the bio-data of the cast, I found out his name. Jason. 17. I wanted to get his number but well, I was shy and as always, I dare not. As I was on the invitation of the Artistic Director of the play, I also could not approach him. I was obligated to congratulate her on the success of her play. Whatever free time the cast and crew had was just enough for me to speak to one.

On my way home, I decided that I wanted his number. It is either through the director for some reasons I have to cook up or maybe through a reply on a personnel ad. I decided on the latter first and if nothing happens from there, I will approach the director.

A brief description of the event and his role was all I posted. I reckon that if he is the one he would know the details and need not my detailed posting. Also because it is my first time, I don’t really know what to post. Whatever, as long as the message gets across, I am contended.

After the first three days of waiting and constant checking of my e-mailbox, I was not hoping much and honestly, if he did not reply, I guess I will not approach the director. There is not reason to and I will just treat it as an opportunity lost. Thus, I stopped my daily checking and reverted back to my weekly checks instead.

One week later, I checked my mailbox and I saw 2 replies. The first was a reply to the original ad on the fourth day of posting. The second was sent the day before I opened my mailbox, asking if I had received the original mail and also a contact address and msn address for me to contact him.

I added him onto my msn that very moment while sitting in my school computer lab. Surprisingly, he was online too. We started chatting and it really seemed like we had known each other for eons. My friend sitting opposite me was wondering why I was smiling like that. I can see it in her face but I couldn’t really care. I was too engrossed in the conversation and enjoying his company through the Internet.

We met up that very day and had a great time over at his place. I don’t normally believe in love in first sight and always held on to the need to spend a while to know each other to see if we are really suitable. But this time, love has no reason and I fell blindly into it. He did too. We cuddled and held each other near. I can feel his feelings for me.

After that day, we continued our daily conversations over the phone or Internet and we met up almost every other day. One day, I asked him, what if all these that had happened were just a dream, what would he do? “If it was just a dream, when I wake up, I will immediately log onto the personnel website and post an ad to look for you. Maybe I will post about the dream because I m certain if this is just a dream, we would be sharing it.” My thoughts are exactly the same.

The funny thing is that no matter how hard I try to advance, I could feel that there is a hesitant from him. He just doesn’t want to come close. I can feel his feelings for me. I know he likes me. I know I love him. Why, then, was he keeping his distance? I soon found out why. I stumbled upon his diary he keeps on his computer while he was showering one day at his place and in a recent entry it reads:
“All these feel like a dream. A dream too good to be true. Is he really the one for me? I love him. I really do. But what if this is just a dream? What if the very moment I agree to it, I lose him. What if the only way to keep him is just to be friends? I’ve been through many ups and downs. I’ve seen too many sad stories. I really want to keep him by my side. What if we are together and we break up? I will lose him. I guess the best way to ensure we are always together is to be friends. When two friends fall in love, they learn they are meant for each other. But when they stay out of it, it is because they want to keep each other forever.”


I never knew his insecurity. Within three minutes, I penned this poem in his computer:

You know I love you, I really do
And I know you love me too
Why then are you saying no
To all my wishes to hold you close

I want you here to hug and hold
To love you with my heart and soul
I tell you now my heart you heal
And I know, you know how I feel

I also know how you feel of me
And I really long to set you free
Give me a chance, that's all I ask
Be the one that matters in my heart

Please don’t leave me after all you've said
You came in my life and my mind is set
I want you and I’ll seek, I'll find
Until the day I can call you mine

Many things I want to say right now
But really, I don’t know how
To let you know how much you mean to me
All I can say is, " I love you, be mine please

He read it and cried. He held me tightly and finally whispered the three words I so desire to hear from him. “ I love you.” He finally accepted my love and we managed to advance. We know that the future lays many uneven paths but we know that with each other by our side, we will be able to overcome them hand in hand, turning our futures into memorable histories with each other in the story.

That was 3 years ago and now, we are still writing our history with each other in our arms. We are still hopeful with our future and we know that friendship is not the only way to hold onto each other forever. All these were just like a dream. A dream that came true for the both of us.

If this is a dream, I wish I would never wake up.

~*-*~

MIA from net so long... started with laziness... then net gt pron... then no mood... haha... wrote a story in tt time... wadcha think... quickie:

thursday went JB and got myself shoes and belt... nice hanging out wif tim and skye... and lotsa cute guys... can consider jb for... heehehee...
today my brother enlist so went to 'see him off' and wow... tekong quite nice... and lotsa cute guys... those enlisting and their bro or fren they brought along... who enlisting soon... can invite me along... since u can invite up to 5 pple...

dai pei ni - wo yao de ai

In Solitude at 11:46 pm
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