maystar * designs |
Less than 48 hours time i hit 20... as the clock ticks my mood gets worse... i dunno why... i keep tellin myself to be happy but but but... sigh~ i really felt i had failed... i mean... wad m i doing? someone get into trouble but never thought of calling me... is it becoz i cannot be trusted? seriously... i remember the time when BL needs help and the first guy he calls is me... even if he knows i m not free... coz he trust me and knows tt i will try to help... but as time goes by... he no longer calls me when he needs help... slowly we drifted apart... he lost his trust in me... coz i had betrayed tt trust... i cannot be there for him when he needs me... and thinking back into the last year tt had past... many times pple who needs help or run into trouble... they dun call me... they always find reasons to make me feel better... but face it... admit it... i was not the first person they think of... in fact... i may not even be in their list... i may be too sensitive... but why not look from my point of view... this is me... i cannot stand pple who dun trust me... i cannot face the fact tt pple dun involve me... it makes me feel foreign... makes me feel alien... u may think i m kicking a big fuss out of nothing... but u r not me... u dun understand how important this is to me... if u r important to me... i need u to make me feel tt way... it may not even need to be involved... informed is good enough... if i m not in a position to care... it shows i m not in any position at all... i wanna feel belonged... since young... i dun belong... i never did... in my pri sch class... in my sec sch... in my cca... in poly... i never feel belonged... i want to... i tried... but pple dun seem to understand me... and appreciate me... they can just turn their back on me so suddenly... i just dun understand... if i mean something to u... allow me to show some concern... i know u r feeling vexed and upset enough... i know u r not happy and u just wanna shut up and not think of it at all... but well... pacify me... just tell me wad happened... and when asked why... tell me the truth... if u dun wanna involve me... just tell me... i m selfish... i m sorry... i m sorry if my selfishness is hurting u... i will try to change... i will try to be less kaypo but well... i cannot promise u tt it would happened overnight... i m still the sensitive guy i had always been... do i expect too much? do i deserve all i have... i dunno... somehow it feels to me that i m too hypocritical... i m too demanding... i m too insensitive to pple's needs and to sensitive to my own... i guess it is just misfortune tt pple knows me... maybe they will have less to worry about if the dunno me... ignore me... The Observatory - This Sad Song In Solitude at 10:23 pm 0 shared in solitude | ||||||||||||