maystar * designs |
i m beginning to not know who i m.. wad i wan and where i m going... i'm confused and lost suddenly... i wanna be attached... m i desperate now? i miss him, after spending the last 2 nites keeping him company... now tt i dun see him online... i feel... weird... tried my hand on story writing... the song on loop gave me the sudden feeling to write this... comments on the tag board ya? Expired I was at a gathering when I saw him. He knocked me off with his courtesy and well-mannered presentation of himself. Quiet and reserved, he seldom talked. Then alone he was, standing in a corner. I was new, and I stood at another corner, stealing glances at him while the group was playing some games. Finally, I picked up the courage and went up to him. I stood near, but we did not talk. Leon came up to me and seeing us standing so near, he introduced him to me. His name is Jeremy. He smiled and it immediately captured my heart. We stood beside each other, keeping quiet. He finally broke the ice. "Hi." "Hi" "Ummm. You new with us?" "Ya, Leon brought me here." "Oh" And silence set in again. After about 15 minutes of silence between us, I decided I should be leaving. "I gotta go." "OK. I see you around?" "Ummm, can I have your number? I mean we could keep in contact." "Sure. Wad's yours? I call you." And I gave him my number and left. Minutes later, I got a message from him. It reads, "Jeremy here. Nice meeting you." I smiled. And hope to that we would meet again. We did and we talked. I don't remember what we talked about or how it actually happened. But slowly, we became closer. And we started to share life deeper. I begin spending more time with him and really fell in love with him. Things got further and I begin spending time at his house. We would sit close together, share our food, and watch TV leaning against each other. When I slept over at his house, we would share the bed, tickling each other or just lying there and talk. I fell deeply in love with him One day, he called me. He had just broken up with his girlfriend. I went immediately to his place. When I went in, he saw me, came up and just hugged me and cried. Sitting down on his bed, I asked him what actually happened. He looked into my eyes and said, "I just can't love her." "It is ok. It really is. Come on. Cry it out. You will feel better." And I patted his back as he leaned on me and cried. Slowly, he softens down and looked up. Again into my eyes he said, "You know why? It is because I love you." And he turned his back facing me. "I know. You are going to despise me or something. But I really have to tell you." He stood up saying, "You should go. I'm sure you won't want to stay here with me. I..." Interrupting him was my hug from behind. "Joseph, nobody is going to despise you." Turning him around, I looked into his eyes and said, "I love you." And kissed him on his lips. Then, I woke up. This dream. So sweet. And I wonder if it would ever come true. How I wished it would. And true enough, one day he called. "I need you by my side." And I rushed over, feeling a sense of dejavu. When I went over I saw him, sitting on his bed in tears. "We broke up." He said. "What happened? Why did you break up with her?" "It's not her. It's a him. I know you won't despise me for this. Which is why I chose to tell you this." And into my arms he fell and cried. "It's ok." Patting him on the shoulder I comforted him, hoping that the dream, though a little distorted would still happen the way it did. But it did not. He fell asleep after all the crying. Holding him in my arms, I said, "I will never despise you because I love you." And I planted a kiss on his head. Patting him on his back, slowly I fell asleep too. I was awaken by his touched. He was caressing my hair. I looked up and he smiled. "I know you love me. I heard what you said. Now I know I’m not alone. But, we can only be friends. Good friends. I treated you like an elder brother. No more than that. I’m sorry. Give that love of yours to someone who is worthy. Promise?""Yeah. I promise." After this episode, we begin seeing less of each other. It is he actually, who called me less, replies at long intervals and meeting up less. And slowly, I drifted away from him as well. Slowly, I let him go. I don't know why he chose to do this. But I guess he has his reasons. It hurt badly and I fought this hard battle, vowing to forget this love for him. It took me a long time and I finally won. It no longer hurt that much thinking of him. I succeeded. And now, all that's left are memories. Memories from a love so deep. ***** I want to keep quiet, but there is too much thing to say. You got your freedom and I am left with the pain. Testing to see if there is any trances of me in your heart. The dreams from yesterday became the star-lilted night. Smiling, saying I'm not sad, but the tears cannot lie to anyone. Strong or cowardice, I'm no longer sure of myself. I began to know that I should try to forget you slowly. Seeing our love expiring with time. I begin to understand that there's no winning or losing in love. My deepest love for you had now expired with time. jukebox [yuan wei jue xing guo qi] In Solitude at 2:26 am 0 shared in solitude | ||||||||||||