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the computer i have at home is useless... i cannot use it to update my blog at all... i tried to but it always end up having loading error... when i hit the back button it is all gone... so sian... i decided not tot ype again... thus for the past six days when i feel down and wanna blog... it never fails to piss me even further and i did not update it... now in school... doing revision wif my frenz... but well juz dun feel like studying... not yet though...
been spening alot of money... i need to control!!! wasted abt 100 in the past 2 days...sigh... so where did i leave off that day? Tuesday 24 Aug rite? brief look thru: 25th Aug Wednesday i did not go to school... kinda boycotted my drawing class... ended up over sleepin and missin my Law... guess i will write an appeal letter to my Law lecturer askin for a chance and not to debar me from Law... sigh... 26th Aug onwards is study break... tt day was damn bad lor... my neighbour called the officials from town council to pick on my grams again... so when i got home after rehearsal... my grams told me and i kinda was angry... so i was hurling insults at my neighbour in the comfort of my own house... then 12.30midnight... she came and shouted at grams again... so i went out to 'reason' wif her but she wanna call the police coz she found ashes in her house and suspected it was ours... (long story) and i was like' fine! let's go...dun waste time...' so we went to the police centre near my house... from entry until i left (i left earlier) she was acting like the ASP of the centre... babbling and juz wasting everybody's time like that... she kept saying tt if she sue us we will lose to her... and tt she is best in 'reasoning' wif pple blah blah blah... at the end the police came up tot he house and i left it to my dad to handle it... 27th a Friday... cannot remember... juz remembered i wanna post something and i gt real pissed tt i cannot load... 28th, Sat... really really upset... u remember i was doing a production for Changi Airport as a asst. stage manager? well... the stage manager over me kinda decided tt i do sound... which means i juz got demoted even lower... 3 levels lower... soz i now expected to do asst sound operator...gee... wad is this... forget it lah...gonna juz slack thru until the actual day... 29th Sun had a BBQ for my church pple... but the turn out? bad is an understatement... i wasted a lot of money to buy food then they juz came and sang me song and they left... onli a few was around... wadeva... could not be bothered anymore... but gt a few nice gifts... 1 out of 3 of wad i wanna get this year was given to me... 2 more... shoes and wallet... sigh... it is gonna be over... dun think i will get it... but gt a bag... 1 out of 3 is better than nth... guess i wun get back to studyin so soon... wanna slack somemore... today had my law paper... juz dunno wad to write and how to answer... gonna fail...wadeva... jukebox[my frenz tokin abt the phychrometric chart] In Solitude at 1:28 pm 0 shared in solitude i feel so far away from many of the frenz tt i once call dear... sigh... wad's wrong? my confidence is being affected and my esteem is falling... jukebox[mavis hee tie chuang(steel windows)] In Solitude at 2:01 am 0 shared in solitude went to jb yesterday... kinda had fun coz i met my 2nd uncle for the very first time and indeed... he is a nice guy... but a few unhappy episodes my brother was trying to test my patience and really tried his best to irritate me... he lives for the sole purpose of irritating pple... espcially me... my grandfather is picking on me... no matter wad, he blames it on me... may it be my sister trying to get her purse and delay dinner or my cousin who feels hungry after dinner and wants after dinner snack... it is all my fault (somehow, he managed to link them to me... the wonders of grandparents...) and i kinda gt pissed off and snapped at him... well... i still think he deserves it... geez... but i it wasn't all bad... i got to spend time wif my cousin and chatted wif him... gt ti know him wif a diff light... and... i got myself a new t-shirt and 3-quads...all form body gloves... all Isaac's fault... he got me into linkin the brand... sigh... i miss him... got back from jb and spent an hour chattin wif grams abt everything tt happened in jb and stuff... she told me a story between she and her brother: they were out pickin some branches for fire when it suddenly rained... my grams being born wif some prob wif her leg could nt run... she asked her brother to run home first... but he refused to leave grams behind... so he stuff all the branches in one basket and ask my grams to climb into the other... then he carried her back wif the two basket balancing on one pole (u know the olden days construction... like tt lah... think!!!) she was 9, he was 7... and i kinda cried on my bed thinking of the story... the closeness she share wif her siblings... i also want tt... sigh... been feelin kinda low lately... i kinda had recovered from this round of illness although i m still getting ocassional dizzy spells... but now it is my mood tt is not feelin well... sigh... i feel so lonely... so alone... i wan someone to be by my side... but it seems like i was never successful wif relationship... Piper of Charmed said this: "Everyone will get their soulmate at least once in a lifetime"... will i gt mine? or had mine passed me by wifout me knowing... brought my discman to school.... listening to music now... haha... suppose to be able to go home but the stupid Kujala decided to have her make up today... so here i m stuck in school... 1B23 celebrating birthday... well my class not as on as them... i wun gt to enjoy such stuff... very very sian... sigh... jukebox[s.h.e ji de yao wang ji (remember to forget)] In Solitude at 11:54 am 0 shared in solitude Rip this off my friendster bulletin... kinda interesting and i hope u find it interestin too... waiting for 5pm... dismissal time... sigh... Question You are walking to your boyfriend/girlfriend's house. There are two roads to get there. One is a straight path which takes you there quickly, but is very plain and boring. The other is curvy and full of wonderful sights on the way, but takes quite a while to reach your loved one's house. WHICH PATH DO YOU CHOOSE? Short or long? On the way, you see two rose bushes. One is full of white roses. One is full of red roses. You decide to pick 20 roses for your boyfriend/girlfriend. WHAT COLOR COMBINATION DO YOU CHOOSE? Any combination including all one color is fine. You finally get to your boyfriend/girlfriend's house. You ring the bell and the maid answers. You can ask the maid to please get your loved one, or you may go get them yourself. WHICH ACTION DO YOU TAKE? Ask the maid or do it yourself? Now, you go up to your girlfriend/boyfriends room. No one is there. You can leave the roses by the windowsill, or on the bed. WHERE DO YOU PUT THE ROSES?Bed or window? Later, its time for bed. You and your loved one go to sleep, in separate rooms. You wake up in the morning, and go to your boyfriend/girlfriend's room to check up on him/her. You enter the room:IS HE/SHE AWAKE OR SLEEPING? It's time to go home now, and you start to head back. You can take either road home now: The plain, boring one thats gets you home fast; or the curvy, sight-filled road that you can just casually take your time with. WHICH ROAD DO YOU CHOOSE? Short or long? . .. ... .. . Analysis Which road do you choose to take to your love's house? The roads represent your attitude towards falling in love. If you chose the short one, you fall in love quickly and easily.If you chose the long one, you take your time and do not fall in love easily. What combination of roses do you choose to give your love? The number of red roses represent how much you expect to give in a relationship. The number of white roses represent how much you expect in a relationship. Therefore, if a person chose all red with one white, he/she gives 90% in the relationship but expects to receive only 10% back. Do you ask the maid to get your love, or do you do it yourself? This question shows your attitude in handling relationship problems. If you asked the maid to get your loved one, then you may beat around the bush, maybe asking a third party to intervene. Avoidance of problems runs high.If you went and got your loved one yourself, then you are pretty direct. If there is a problem, you confront it and deal with it. You want to work it out right away. Where do you put the roses? On the windowsill or on the bed? The placement of the roses indictate how often you'd like to see your boyfriend/girlfriend. Placing the roses on the bed means you need lots of reassurance in the relationship, and you'd want to see your loved one every day, if possible.Placing the roses by the window show that you don't expect or need to see your loved one that often; seeing them just once in a while is OK. Do you find your love asleep or awake? Finding your boyfriend/ girlfriend asleep: You accept your loved one the way they are.Finding them awake: You expect him/her to change for you. Which road do you choose to go home? The short and long roads now represent how long you stay in love. If you chose the short one, you fall out of love easily.If you chose the long one, you tend to stay in love for a long time. jukebox[kimberly locke 8th world wonder] In Solitude at 4:14 pm 0 shared in solitude i kinda m enjoyinh myself here today...doing computer-aided drawing... it is kinda fun... the only module i m enjoying actually cause got computer and internet to use while doing the drawing... and the best of all... i no need to draw...i onli need to click... i finished my tutorial for today and the course work due...so here i m updating again... it is official, recieve the letter and call from Yong and she say she cannot pass me if i dun hand up the drawing and it has to be well done... sigh... i can't draw anyway so it is ok... gonna fail the thing anyway... wadeva.. my head is still killin me and my back is joinin in the murder... i m dying... if i get any illness, i wun go for any operation or such... i dun wanna waste the money... i rather die...really... sigh... gonna go down to buy some snacks... this is the other good part abt this module... and best of all... she is my personal tutor... hahahaha... will get back to updating soon... jukebox[mouse clickin... everyone still doin their work] In Solitude at 2:28 pm 0 shared in solitude i seriously have no mood for anything lately... insufficient sleep or wad i dunno... but always feelin very lag... today is the third consecutive thursday i did not go to school...and i dunno where to get my MC now... if i dun have one for today i will be barred from my ECT and IDEA which means i have to repeat them next semester... gee... i m really tired of stuff... i really feel like dying before the end of my 18 yrs... which is in 13 days time... after my fever...went to school on firday, did a presentation and had my CADD lesson...almost finish my course work...will get to doing it later... sat was ok... sunday as well... then came monday...i did not turn up and did not get an MC... can see tt ms koh was kinda disappointed when i went to see her on tuesday... tuesday was ok...drama cancel again due to poor respond... wednesday i gt an MC from the polyclinic and today i m here in school... but dun feel like going for lessons... yesterday started a installment plan to pay M1 147SGD for the next 15 days... gee... and i m real short of cash now... where to find the money... 10 per day... kinda hard to find... need to borrow money... the onli nice episode so far is yesterday when i went out wif Alif... nice day and the best part: saw Toro and Fiona (the key part is seeing Toro...) ar HMV... cute...hahaha that's my life now... 1 word: suck... i really wanna just go to sleep and never wake up... sigh... life sucks... at least my life do... jukebox[keyboard typin] In Solitude at 2:44 pm 0 shared in solitude forget it...the title thing is not working... so all my entries are gonna be title-less juz came back form the doctor's... 37.8 degress C .. me having fever... 2 days MC... so as such my absence till 12th Aug is as follows: Elementary Construstion: 6hrs (3 sessions) Law of Contract: 8hrs (4) Building Science: 9hrs (3) Design and Drawing: 16hrs (4) Comp Aided Design&Drawing: 4hrs (1) Oral Communications: 4hrs (2) Report Writing and Presentaion: 4hrs(2) IDEA: 10hrs (5) sigh... was at the doctor... Q no is 769 the previous one came out... then 2 emergency cases... one injure eye, one gt bleedin wound from a laser surgery so i waited from 9.30pm to 10.30pm... saw him said i gt fever... if by tmr nite i still dun feel well enough he will extend my MC till friday so now i gt 2 days MC... sigh... might as well die soon...always get sick... wadeva... jukebox[cranberries dreams] In Solitude at 11:27 pm 0 shared in solitude I just gave this entry a title... dunno if it will show...if not then too bad... Did not go to school again today... officially debar from Design and Drawing liao cause i always did not go... it is ok... i suck at drawing...i doubt i will pass that module... give it up in this sem and do my law well...then next sem focus on the drawing lor... sigh... woke up wif a headache so painful that i juz could not stand up properly... throat hurts and nose block... wadeva... gt my sis to bring me the flu tablet and slept after poppin it into my mouth... woke up at abt 3 feelin better but still bad... sigh... yesterday suck... the drama was cancelled so last min... wasted time...sigh... but it is ok... i had nth to do anyway... tt's all for now... my head is beginning to kill me... jukebox[enya adiemus] In Solitude at 5:50 pm 0 shared in solitude So here i am again... guess wad... last nite while i was updating the blog...i dunno wad i did.. ended up ruining my own template... everything was gone...the onli thing left was half of my confidant list... if u remember... my previous template is calendar->Myself->Confidant->Connecting->History->Tagboard->Now Playing (vaguely lah) which means i lost more than half of my original template... sigh... so i decided to re do the whole thing... and wa-la... the new blog is out... hahahaha... as u can see... i added a counter, removed the calender(coz i really dunno where to put it now), changed my music, and introduced a comments page... see so good to all of you... of coz apart from all these u gt to see wad u really wanna see... an update: did not go to school for lessons today... came for the comp instead... had been in this lab for abt 4hrs now... missed all my lectures and tutorials... why? Coz i seriously think that i am pregnant... giddiness, nausea and my tummy is big... saw a doctor who officially excused me from school... i asked, "So school how?" and her answer: "No school lah... is tt not wad u r here for?" wah liew... some truth best remain untold ok? but seriously... not feeling well ever since school started... sigh... me getting old (no offense to those older than me... sorry!!!) and i seriously need to build up my body... therefore i decided as often as possible (as possible mind u... not everyday ok?) i will exercise... so wish me luck and consistancy... now in my school comp lab as i said and boy are there many cute...cute...heeeheee (gets a grip) sorry... cute pple walking up and down... but as a result of the constant ogling (i did do spend a long time building up the template too for crying out loud...) my back is aching... sigh... wadeva... yes i m feeling better now emotionally while physically... i still think i m pregnant... tt's all i guess... countdown 22 days to my 19th birthday... goodbye teenage... hello adulthood... sigh... jukebox[typing, clickin, chattin] In Solitude at 4:58 pm 0 shared in solitude Untitled Looking at the people around Those whom i call dear Seeing their lives, they feel so down Yet, I am never near Reading the words they wrote from their heart Words that comforts my soul Even when their life's so hard Cheer up I'm always told Sorry my friend I'm not by ur side But you are always missed So now i promise I will never hide To be with you i promise Thanks for being a friend i need Sharing your life so true I will never leave u my friend indeed Your troubles are mine too wrote this poem in my previous blog... juz feel like posting it here...specially dedicated to pple like Orton, Kaworu, Fuzionz, Alif, Sheesh etc... thanks for being there when i m low... for keepin me company and being by my side... sorry for not lending my support when u needed them... jukebox[Mariah Carey Hero] In Solitude at 2:36 am 0 shared in solitude i feel like crying... Waiting Another day has past Another day alone Another day without someone Just me, silently alone Everyday I hoped Everyday I wait Everyday, a brand new day With hopes anew, I’ll wait Someone out there I longed Someone out there for me Someone out there to make today A day just for me Copyright 2002 Tim jukebox [first love instrumental playing on kaworu's blog] In Solitude at 2:54 am 0 shared in solitude suddenly feeling low...and well was reading some blogs and wanna cheer them up...but juz feel like so fake...askin pple to cheer up and dun think too much but here i m thinkin too much and not cheeirng up...wadeva... was reflecting on my life...and i was wondering if there is a reason why my frenz r rather seasonal... as in they can be quite close to me now...then drift away...then close again...and sometimes after they drift...they stay there... the conclusion: it's all my fault do i treat my frenz as sincerely as they treat me... do i ever thought of how they feel... sometimes i can be seen as a nice guy...but as i reflected... i feel so hypocritical... i feel so fake...as if i m living a 2 lives in one... i feel tt i have let down so many pple ard me... and also offend many more ard me... my interpersonal skill sucks... i really think tt way...which is why my circle of confidant is so limited... they r the few who had bear wif my nonsense and decided tt it is not tt bad to have another nuisance in their lives and accepted me for who i m... i really feel like a trouble maker... a nuisance... somebody who is not worth anything becoz i deserve to be shot dead in the first place... yes it is the low self esteem talking again...but i have a reason to... sigh... lookin at all the pple whom i know..and if the are still as close as they use to be... i need a new hp coz the space is too little... and most of them are nice guys...juz tt i dunno how to control this useless mouth of mine or this stupid character sometimes tt i end up pissing some of them off and from frenz to acquaintances... wadeva... it's all my fault... for those who is still there..thanks for being there.. i m a nuisance yet u r still there for me... thanks a million... feeling depress again...dun ask me why...juz feeling depress and tired.. had been missing so many lessons i think i wil be debarred from the exams again... sigh...useless me... so tired till i have a few tut due but not submitted... a few MC not submitted and i guess i deserve another detained sem coz i m lookin for trouble and i ought to be shot dead anyway... wadeva... juz wish i will never make it pass 18 (which means i have to die within 23 days...) or maybe die tonight or something and spare everyone the misery and make this world a better place... jukebox[nothing...no mood for music] In Solitude at 2:24 am 0 shared in solitude told u i will try... so here i m... not as often as i ought to... but well it takes time to improve you know... last update was when i was in lesson doing presentation module... but my lecturer got course...so she left us alone... now i m here waiting for drama to start... sigh... but well it had been fun surfing the net... these few days had been tiring... little update... Friday went for a BBQ at my fren'z condo and played wif water... Sat nite went out for a midnight movie wif Ally, Suat and Paul...then went somerset to makan at the 70s hawker street... kinda had fun their... then went to Kopitiam at Bras Basar area to chill and chat... Sunday did not do anything but sleep sleep sleep... yesterday went to sch... it was raining and i missed 2 bus coz the f**king pple dunno how to move back... thus the bus juz zoom passed... i was so fed up i decided to take a cab... but all the cads were hired... so in desperate situation... i was forced to dial for a cab... but guess wad... Comfort and CityCab engage... while SMRTCab kept me on the line for 10 mins before telling me they have no cab... managed to get Smart, TransCab and SliverCab numbers...but still sigh... no cab... after waiting and trying to call for half and hour i finally got my cab and reach sch at abt 10 am after jamming in ECP for i dunno how long... (2.5 hrs after i left home) sigh...so much for wanting to be on time... today did not go for the morning lecture coz i was too tired and could not wake up... came to sch at abt 1pm for my afternoon lecture on Law... then now slackin in the lab waiting for 5.30...sigh... boring life i have... jukebox (mouse and keyboard...surprisingly quiet today at the comp lab... no voices heard...) In Solitude at 4:51 pm 0 shared in solitude | ||||||||||||