| Solitude ~ A Personal World of My Own
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| A world mixed with fact and fiction. Yet, a world where I am who I really am. Things you may not know can be found here. Look around and leave with a better understanding that my world is not as bright and colorful as it always seems. Enjoy the ride.
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maystar * designs
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Monday, May 31, 2004
sigh... today is a real bad day... did not meet ally for my i/c... quarrelled wif my sis over some stupid matters... seeing my brother's f-ed up attitude to the family matters, quarrel wif my neighbour... sigh...
my sis had been involved in some serious financial matters and i had to take lead... both my grams blasted me fr her wrongdoings... i asked my brother wad he can do coz he is the oldest son...then he was like' nothing...wad can u do' and he went on playing his game... my neighbour was banging the door coz i closed the door a little to hard then she went to the corridor and started scolding the family and stuff... being pissed off wif all these stuff and bad mood since this morning... i went out and started to quarrel wif her after half and hour... she gave up and wanna stop it and bleah... wadeva.. loser... sigh...
i m really tired... i m not the oldest... the birthright is not mine... the authority is not suppose to be in my hands... my dad is not doing much... it is up to my brother to do it... why m i doing it? the person who is suppose to be standing up is him... not me... the person to pick up the pieces is him not me... he enjoys himself... going out, have fun, no worries abt the family be'coz he doesn't care...and i have to clear the shit he left behind... i have to do his dirty job and he got to enjoy the privillage of the birthright... i m sick and tired...but if i dun do it...who will... my grams is old and weak... she is workin very hard... how i wish my bro would be more sensible... is it too much to expect from a 21 year old... to take the initiative to share the burden so tt his younger siblings can have a less stressful life... esp when i had done it for him since my mum's death and when my dad decided that he need not care so much abt us... 13 years... and i thought him turning 21 would mean i can return the burden to him and take a backseat and relax and rest... but no... it doesn't seem possible... to think of it... my life sucks... i can't keep my sis in check, i can't stand up for the family... i dun even have control over wad i wanna do coz grams is having a tight control over my life and all this responsibilities tt my brother refuse to take up is tying me up... i have no life... i can onli whine and cry... i m not as strong as pple see me as... i also wan rest, comfort, company...someone to turn to... mum... i miss you... i really do... i wan u here... i wan ur comfort...ur assuring hand... ur hug... i m tired of taking charge... why did u have to throw me this job in the first place... why did u trust me... why must u tell me to help grams in lookin after the family... my not my bro... i m tired... i really dun wanna do it any longer... i dun wanna cry but i can't stop... this is not wad i wan... sigh...
jukebox[walking in the rain]
In Solitude at 10:10 pm
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